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The Awful Australian   By:

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THE AWFUL AUSTRALIAN

New Volume of Smart Bulletin Verse

[Illustration]

The Kiss of Dolly Day & other CYNICAL RHYMES FOR RECITATION.

including THE BILLIARD MARKER'S YARN by Edmund Fisher.

illustrations by

PHIL MAY. GEORGE LAMBERT. B.E. MINNS. D.H. SOUTER. ALEK SASS. C. ROSSI ASHTON.

The AWFUL AUSTRALIAN

VALERIE DESMOND

Commonwealth of Australia:

E.W. COLE. Book Arcade, Melbourne 46 George Street, Sydney 67 Rundle Street, Adelaide

The Only Edition Printed in Australia

E.W. COLE has been appointed Sole Distributor of A.H. Massina & Co.'s

Complete Copyright Edition of Gordon's Poems

THEY ARE NOW ISSUED IN TWO STYLES

1. Crown 8vo. (size 7½ in. × 5½ in.), large type, with "Roll of the Kettledrum," illustrated, and Preface by Marcus Clarke

CLOTH Binding, 3/6; also extra gilt cover, gilt edges, 5/

2. Pocket Edition (size 5½ in. × 4½ in.)

CLOTH Cover, 2/6.

FOREWORD.

There has been so much adulation lately of Australia, Australian institutions, and the Australian people by writers with axes to grind and English politicians with party ends to serve that the people of the Commonwealth have come to believe that they are the salt of the earth, and that their country is the earth. Personally, I am impatient of such credulity, and I think it is time somebody called upon the self satisfied Australians to show cause why a little more humility and a little less arrogance were not more seemly. With a view to restoring an apparently lost sense of proportion to the press and public of the country, I have written the following pages. If in telling the truth I shame the Australian this book will achieve its object. Should a howl of indignation be provoked, then will the condition of affairs be proved worse than my pen has power to depict, and nothing will be left but to declare Australia past redemption. This is the case for the prosecution.

VALERIE DESMOND.

Sydney, July 15, 1911.

FIGURES AND FACTS.

By John Scott.

1. =How to Become Quick at Figures=, comprising the Shortest, Quickest, and Best Methods of Business Calculations. By John Scott. 2/6, postage 2d.

2. =How to Kill Time=, Catches, Tricks, Comicalities, Puzzles, etc., etc. 1/ , postage 1d.

3. =How to Play Games=, Cards, Dice, Racing, Lotteries, Dictionary of Gambling, Curious Wagers, How to Make a Book, etc., etc. 1/ , postage, 1d.

4. =The Puzzle King=, Amusing Arithmetic, Bookkeeping Blunders, Commercial Comicalities, Catches, Problems, Tricks, etc.; 2/6, postage 2d.

CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE I. AUSTRALIAN POLITICS 11 II. THE AUSTRALIAN ACCENT 15 III. AUSTRALIAN MANNERS 22 IV. MISS AUSTRALIA 27 V. AUSTRALIA FOR THE AUSTRALIANS 38 VI. THE AUSTRALIAN IN SOCIETY 44 VII. THE AUSTRALIAN AT SHIRK 51 VIII. THE LISTLESS POLICEMAN 56 IX. THE AUSTRALIAN'S PARASITICAL TENDENCIES 58 X. THE AUSTRALIAN'S LACK OF PATRIOTISM 62 XI. CLUB LIFE IN AUSTRALIA 66 XII. THE AUSTRALIAN ON THE LAND 70 XIII. THE AUSTRALIAN TITLED PERSON 76 XIV. THE AUSTRALIAN AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE 80 XV. THE AUSTRALIAN POETS 83 XVI. THE C.Y.A. 90

CHAPTER I.

AUSTRALIAN POLITICS.

This strange, topsy turvey country, not content with having fruit with stones on the outside, has made the unique experiment of handing over its government to its peasantry! Other lands have at times fallen under the sway of the hoi polloi, but this has always been temporary, and the result of some hysterical upheaval... Continue reading book >>




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