Child Versus Parent Some Chapters on the Irrepressible Conflict in the Home   By: Stephen Wise

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CHILD VERSUS PARENT

Some Chapters on the Irrepressible Conflict in the Home

BY STEPHEN S. WISE

RABBI OF THE FREE SYNAGOGUE

Author of "The Ethics of Ibn Gabirol," "How to Face Life," "Free Synagogue Pulpit," etc.

New York THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 1922

All rights reserved

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

COPYRIGHT, 1922, BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY.

Set up and electrotyped. Published March, 1922.

BROWN BROTHERS, LINOTYPERS NEW YORK

TO THE MEMORY OF MY MOTHER, SABINE DE FISCHER WISE

CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

I. FACING THE PROBLEM 1

II. BACK OF ALL CONFLICTS 11

III. SOME PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES UNMET 19

IV. THE ART OF PARENTAL GIVING 30

V. THE OBLIGATION OF BEING 41

VI. WARS THAT ARE NOT WARS 53

VII. CONFLICTS IRREPRESSIBLE 62

VIII. CONFLICTING STANDARDS 69

IX. THE DEMOCRATIC REGIME IN THE HOME 76

X. REVERENCE THY SON AND THY DAUGHTER 84

XI. THE OBSESSION OF POSSESSION 94

XII. PARENTS AND VICE PARENTS 104

XIII. WHAT OF THE JEWISH HOME? 113

XIV. THE JEWISH HOME TODAY 120

XV. THE SOVEREIGN GRACES OF THE HOME 127

CHAPTER I

FACING THE PROBLEM

One way of averting what I have called the irrepressible conflict is to insist that, in view of the fundamental change of attitude toward the whole problem, the family is doomed. Even if the family were doomed, some time would elapse before its doom would utterly have overtaken the home. In truth, the family is not doomed quite yet, though certain views with respect to the family are, and long ought to have been, extinct. Canon Barnett[A] was nearer the truth when he declared: "Family life, it may be said, is not 'going out' any more than nationalities are going out; both are 'going on' to a higher level." To urge that the problem of parental filial contact need not longer be considered, seeing that the family is on the verge of dissolution, is almost as simple as the proposal of the seven year old colored boy in the children's court, in answer to the kindly inquiry of the Judge: "You have heard what your parents have to say about you. Now, what can you say for yourself?" "Mistah Judge, I'se only got dis here to say: I'd be all right if I jes had another set of parents."

For the problem persists and is bound to persist as long as the relationships of the family home obtain. The social changes which have so markedly affected marriage have no more elided marriage than the vast changes which have come over the home portend its dissolution. It is as true as it ever was that the private home is the public hope. A nation is what its homes are. With these it rises and falls, and it can rise no higher than the level of its home life. Marriage, said Goethe, is the origin and summit of civilization; and Saleeby[B] offers the wise amendment: "It would be more accurate to say 'the family' rather than marriage." Assuming that the family which is the cellular unit of civilization will, however modified, survive modern conditions, the question to be considered is what burdens can the home be made to assume which properly rest upon it, if it is to remain worth while as well as be saved?