The Comforts of Home By: Ralph Bergengren (1871-1947)
First Page: THE COMFORTS OF HOME OTHER ATLANTIC BOOKS ATLANTIC CLASSICS, First Series $1.25 ATLANTIC CLASSICS, Second Series $1.25 HEADQUARTERS NIGHTS. By Vernon Kellogg $1.00 THE WAR AND THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH. By Maurice Barrès and Others $1.00 SHOCK AT THE FRONT. By William Townsend Porter $1.25 PAN GERMANY: THE DISEASE AND CURE AND A PLAN FOR THE ALLIES. By André Chéradame $ .35 ESSAYS AND ESSAY WRITING. Edited by William M. Tanner $1.00 ATLANTIC NARRATIVES. Edited by Charles Swain Thomas $1.00 THE PROFESSION OF JOURNALISM. Edited by Willard G. Bleyer $1.00 THE ASSAULT ON HUMANISM. By Paul Shorey $ .60 THE AMENITIES OF BOOK COLLECTING. By A. E. Newton (in preparation) THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY PRESS BOSTON The COMFORTS of HOME BY RALPH BERGENGREN [Illustration: colophon] The Atlantic Monthly Press Boston COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY PRESS, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED CONTENTS Thoughts While Getting Settled 1 Praise of Open Fires 16 Furnace and I 29 No Stairs No Attic 41 Concerning Kitchens 56 The Plumber Appreciated 68 The Home of the Porcelain Tub 81 At Home in the Guest Chamber 95 THOUGHTS WHILE GETTING SETTLED PROPERLY speaking, the new house was old. A hundred years and more had gone over its chimney, down which, as we were to discover later, a hundred flies and more would come when the open fires had warmed it, and within doors it would have charmed any amateur of the Colonial by the antiquity of its furnishings. Temporarily it belonged to me, my executors, administrators, and assigns. But there were limits to our possession. None of us might 'permit any hole to be drilled or made in the stone or brick work of said building'; no 'sign or placard' might we place upon it; we might not 'over load, damage, or deface' it; nor might we 'carry on any unlawful, improper, noisy, or offensive trade' in it. We had admitted that the glass was whole and in good order, and bound ourselves to keep it good, unless broken by fire, with glass of the same kind and quality. In case I became bankrupt I had agreed that the owner, the owner's executors, the owner's administrators, and the owner's assigns should treat me with every form of ignominy that the law has yet invented to make bankruptcy more distressing. Nor could I hold them responsible if our guests fell down the cellar stairs; although there I think they would be morally responsible, for a steeper flight of cellar stairs I simply cannot imagine. Of all documents there is hardly another so common as a lease, or more suspicious. Observe the lessor a benevolent, dignified, but cautious person! Observe the lessee a worm with criminal tendencies! Perhaps he is a decent sort of worm, but the lessor had better look out for him. Very likely he will commit murders in the dining room, read the Contes Drolatiques in the library, play bass drum solos in the parlor, and start a piggery in the cellar. One suspects that possibly the great army of hoboes is partly recruited from among supersensitive men who read their leases before signing them and preferred vagabondage to insult. But some of us control our sensitiveness. I, for example, read my lease; and when, having agreed mentally to post no placard myself, I discovered a clause allowing the lessor to decorate my residence with the information that it was FOR SALE I crossed that clause out! Observe the worm turning! It was the dining room that had won us, formerly the kitchen and still complete with the brick oven; the crane; the fat, three legged pots and spider; a thing that, after much debate, we think must have been a bread toaster; and a kind of overgrown curry comb with which, so we imagine, the original dwellers were wont to rake the hot ashes from the brick oven... Continue reading book >>

The Comforts of Home By: Ralph Bergengren (1871-1947)

First Page:

THE COMFORTS OF HOME

OTHER ATLANTIC BOOKS

ATLANTIC CLASSICS, First Series $1.25

ATLANTIC CLASSICS, Second Series $1.25

HEADQUARTERS NIGHTS. By Vernon Kellogg $1.00

THE WAR AND THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH. By Maurice Barrès and Others $1.00

SHOCK AT THE FRONT. By William Townsend Porter $1.25

PAN GERMANY: THE DISEASE AND CURE AND A PLAN FOR THE ALLIES. By André Chéradame $ .35

ESSAYS AND ESSAY WRITING. Edited by William M. Tanner $1.00

ATLANTIC NARRATIVES. Edited by Charles Swain Thomas $1.00

THE PROFESSION OF JOURNALISM. Edited by Willard G. Bleyer $1.00

THE ASSAULT ON HUMANISM. By Paul Shorey $ .60

THE AMENITIES OF BOOK COLLECTING. By A. E. Newton (in preparation)

THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY PRESS

BOSTON

The COMFORTS of HOME

RALPH BERGENGREN

[Illustration: colophon]

The Atlantic Monthly Press

Boston

CONTENTS

Thoughts While Getting Settled 1

Praise of Open Fires 16

Furnace and I 29

No Stairs No Attic 41

Concerning Kitchens 56

The Plumber Appreciated 68

The Home of the Porcelain Tub 81

At Home in the Guest Chamber 95

THOUGHTS WHILE GETTING SETTLED

PROPERLY speaking, the new house was old. A hundred years and more had gone over its chimney, down which, as we were to discover later, a hundred flies and more would come when the open fires had warmed it, and within doors it would have charmed any amateur of the Colonial by the antiquity of its furnishings. Temporarily it belonged to me, my executors, administrators, and assigns. But there were limits to our possession. None of us might 'permit any hole to be drilled or made in the stone or brick work of said building'; no 'sign or placard' might we place upon it; we might not 'over load, damage, or deface' it; nor might we 'carry on any unlawful, improper, noisy, or offensive trade' in it. We had admitted that the glass was whole and in good order, and bound ourselves to keep it good, unless broken by fire, with glass of the same kind and quality. In case I became bankrupt I had agreed that the owner, the owner's executors, the owner's administrators, and the owner's assigns should treat me with every form of ignominy that the law has yet invented to make bankruptcy more distressing. Nor could I hold them responsible if our guests fell down the cellar stairs; although there I think they would be morally responsible, for a steeper flight of cellar stairs I simply cannot imagine.

Of all documents there is hardly another so common as a lease, or more suspicious. Observe the lessor a benevolent, dignified, but cautious person! Observe the lessee a worm with criminal tendencies! Perhaps he is a decent sort of worm, but the lessor had better look out for him. Very likely he will commit murders in the dining room, read the Contes Drolatiques in the library, play bass drum solos in the parlor, and start a piggery in the cellar. One suspects that possibly the great army of hoboes is partly recruited from among supersensitive men who read their leases before signing them and preferred vagabondage to insult. But some of us control our sensitiveness. I, for example, read my lease; and when, having agreed mentally to post no placard myself, I discovered a clause allowing the lessor to decorate my residence with the information that it was

FOR SALE

I crossed that clause out!

Observe the worm turning!

It was the dining room that had won us, formerly the kitchen and still complete with the brick oven; the crane; the fat, three legged pots and spider; a thing that, after much debate, we think must have been a bread toaster; and a kind of overgrown curry comb with which, so we imagine, the original dwellers were wont to rake the hot ashes from the brick oven... Continue reading book >>

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