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Elkan Lubliner, American   By: (1877-1934)

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ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN

ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN

BY MONTAGUE GLASS

AUTHOR OF "Potash & Perlmutter," "Abe & Mawruss," "Object: Matrimony," etc.

[Illustration: Frucus Quam Folia]

GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 1912

Copyright, 1911, 1912, by THE CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY

Copyright, 1912, by DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & CO. All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign languages, including the Scandinavian

CONTENTS

PAGE

Noblesse Oblige 3

Appenweier's Account 33

A Match for Elkan Lubliner 81

Highgrade Lines 147

One of Esau's Fables 196

A Tale of Two Jacobean Chairs 250

Sweet and Sour 288

ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN

ELKAN LUBLINER

CHAPTER ONE

NOBLESSE OBLIGE

POLATKIN & SCHEIKOWITZ CONSERVE THE HONOUR OF THEIR FAMILIES

"Nu, Philip," cried Marcus Polatkin to his partner, Philip Scheikowitz, as they sat in the showroom of their place of business one June morning, "even if the letter does got bad news in it you shouldn't take on so hard. When a feller is making good over here and the Leute im Russland hears about it, understand me, they are all the time sending him bad news. I got in Minsk a cousin by the name Pincus Lubliner, understand me, which every time he writes me, y'understand, a relation dies on him and he wants me I should help pay funeral expenses. You might think I was a Free Burial Society, the way that feller acts."

"Sure, I know," Philip replied as he folded the letter away; "but this here is something else again. Mind you, with his own landlord he is sitting playing cards, Marcus, and comes a pistol through the window and the landlord drops dead."

"What have you got to do with the landlord?" Polatkin retorted. "If it was your brother in law was killed that's a difference matter entirely; but when a feller is a landlord im Russland , understand me, the least he could expect is that he gets killed once in a while."

"I ain't saying nothing about the landlord," Philip protested, "but my brother in law writes they are afraid for their lives there and I should send 'em quick the passage money for him and his boy Yosel to come to America."

Polatkin rose to his feet and glared angrily at his partner.

"Do you mean to told me you are going to send that loafer money he should come over here and bum round our shop yet?"

"What do you mean bum round our shop?" Philip demanded. "In the first place, Polatkin, I ain't said I am going to send him money, y'understand; and, in the second place, if I want to send the feller money to come over here, understand me, that's my business. Furthermore, when you are coming to call my brother in law a loafer and a bum, Polatkin, you don't know what you are talking about. His Grossvater , olav hasholem , was the great Harkavy Rav, Jochannon Borrochson."

"I heard that same tale before," Polatkin interrupted. "A feller is a Schlemiel and a lowlife which he couldn't support his wife and children, understand me, and it always turns out his grandfather was a big rabbi in the old country. The way it is with me, Scheikowitz, just so soon as I am hearing a feller's grandfather was a big rabbi in the old country, Scheikowitz, I wouldn't got nothing more to do with him. If he works for you in your place, understand me, then he fools away your time telling the operators what a big rabbi his grandfather was; and if he's a customer, Scheikowitz, and you write him ten days after the account is overdue he should pay you what he owes you, instead he sends you a check, understand me, he comes down to the store and tells you what a big rabbi he's got it for a grandfather. Gott sei Dank I ain't got no Rabonim in my family."

"Sure, I know," Philip cried, "your father would be glad supposing he could sign his name even."

Polatkin shrugged his shoulders.

"It would oser worry me if my whole family couldn't read or write... Continue reading book >>




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