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Keeping Up Appearances Sailor's Knots, Part 12. By: W. W. Jacobs (1863-1943) |
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By W.W. Jacobs
1909 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
"Everybody is superstitious," said the night watchman, as he gave
utterance to a series of chirruping endearments to a black cat with one
eye that had just been using a leg of his trousers as a serviette; "if
that cat 'ad stole some men's suppers they'd have acted foolish, and
suffered for it all the rest of their lives." He scratched the cat behind the ear, and despite himself his face
darkened. "Slung it over the side, they would," he said, longingly, "and
chucked bits o' coke at it till it sank. As I said afore, everybody is
superstitious, and those that ain't ought to be night watchmen for a
time that 'ud cure 'em. I knew one man that killed a black cat, and
arter that for the rest of his life he could never get three sheets in
the wind without seeing its ghost. Spoilt his life for 'im, it did." He scratched the cat's other ear. "I only left it a moment, while I went
round to the Bull's Head," he said, slowly filling his pipe, "and I
thought I'd put it out o' reach. Some men " His fingers twined round the animal's neck; then, with a sigh, he rose
and took a turn or two on the jetty. Superstitiousness is right and proper, to a certain extent, he said,
resuming his seat; but, o' course, like everything else, some people
carry it too far they'd believe anything. Weak minded they are, and if
you're in no hurry I can tell you a tale of a pal o' mine, Bill
Burtenshaw by name, that'll prove my words. [Illustration: "Superstitiousness is right and proper, to a certain
extent."] His mother was superstitious afore 'im, and always knew when 'er friends
died by hearing three loud taps on the wall. The on'y mistake she ever
made was one night when, arter losing no less than seven friends, she
found out it was the man next door hanging pictures at three o'clock in
the morning. She found it out by 'im hitting 'is thumb nail. For the first few years arter he grew up Bill went to sea, and that on'y
made 'im more superstitious than ever. Him and a pal named Silas Winch
went several v'y'ges together, and their talk used to be that creepy that
some o' the chaps was a'most afraid to be left on deck alone of a night.
Silas was a long faced, miserable sort o' chap, always looking on the
black side o' things, and shaking his 'ead over it. He thought nothing
o' seeing ghosts, and pore old Ben Huggins slept on the floor for a week
by reason of a ghost with its throat cut that Silas saw in his bunk. He
gave Silas arf a dollar and a neck tie to change bunks with 'im. When Bill Burtenshaw left the sea and got married he lost sight of Silas
altogether, and the on'y thing he 'ad to remind him of 'im was a piece o'
paper which they 'ad both signed with their blood, promising that the
fust one that died would appear to the other. Bill agreed to it one
evenin' when he didn't know wot he was doing, and for years arterwards 'e
used to get the cold creeps down 'is back when he thought of Silas dying
fust. And the idea of dying fust 'imself gave 'im cold creeps all over. Bill was a very good husband when he was sober, but 'is money was two
pounds a week, and when a man has all that and on'y a wife to keep out of
it, it's natural for 'im to drink. Mrs. Burtenshaw tried all sorts o'
ways and means of curing 'im, but it was no use. Bill used to think o'
ways, too, knowing the 'arm the drink was doing 'im, and his fav'rite
plan was for 'is missis to empty a bucket o' cold water over 'im every
time he came 'ome the worse for licker. She did it once, but as she 'ad
to spend the rest o' the night in the back yard it wasn't tried again. Bill got worse as he got older, and even made away with the furniture to
get drink with. And then he used to tell 'is missis that he was drove to
the pub because his 'ome was so uncomfortable. Just at that time things was at their worst Silas Winch, who 'appened to
be ashore and 'ad got Bill's address from a pal, called to see 'im. It
was a Saturday arternoon when he called, and, o' course, Bill was out,
but 'is missis showed him in, and, arter fetching another chair from the
kitchen, asked 'im to sit down... Continue reading book >>
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Humor |
Literature |
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