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Kid Scanlan By: H. C. (Harry Charles) Witwer (1890-1929) |
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BY H. C. WITWER
AUTHOR OF THE LEATHER PUSHERS, FIGHTING BLOOD, ETC.
GROSSET & DUNLAP PUBLISHERS NEW YORK
Copyright, 1920, BY SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY (INCORPORATED)
DEDICATED TO ALLAN HENRY WITWER MY SIX YEAR OLD DESCENDANT
WHO WEEPS BITTERLY WHEN
I READ MY YARNS ALOUD
TO HIS PATIENT
MOTHER H. C. W.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER I. LAY OFF MACDUFF
II. EAST LYNCH
III. PLEASURE ISLAND
IV. LEND ME YOUR EARS
V. "EXIT, LAUGHING"
VI. THE UNHAPPY MEDIUM
VII. LIFE IS REEL!
VIII. HOSPITAL STUFF
KID SCANLAN
CHAPTER I LAY OFF, MACDUFF! Brains is great things to have, and many's the time I've wished I had a
set of 'em in my head instead of just plain bone! Still they's a lot
of guys which has gone through life like a yegg goes through a safe,
and taken everything out of it that wasn't nailed, with nothin' in
their head but hair! A college professor gets five thousand a year, a good lightweight will
grab that much a fight. A school teacher drags down fifteen a week,
and the guy that looks after the boilers in the school buildin' gets
thirty! Sweet cookie! So don't get discouraged if the pride of the family gets throwed out of
school because he thinks twice two is eighteen and geography is played
with nets. The chances is very bright that young Stupid will be
holdin' the steerin' wheel of his own Easy Eight when the other guys,
which won all the trick medals for ground and lofty learnin', will be
wonderin' why a good bookkeeper never gets more than twenty five a
week. And then, if he feels he's got to have brains around him, now
that he's grabbed the other half of the team money he can go downtown
and buy all the brains he wants for eighteen dollars a week! So if you're as shy on brains as a bald headed man is of dandruff, and
what's more, you know it, cheer up! Because you can bet the gas bill
money that you got somethin' just as good. Some trick concealed about
you that'll keep you out of the bread line. The thing to do is to take
an inventory of yourself and find it! Look good it's there somewheres! Kid Scanlan's was hangin' from his left shoulder, and it made him
enough dimes in five years to step out of the crowd and watch the
others scramble from the sidelines. It was just an ordinary arm, size
36, model A, lot 768, same as we all have but inside of it the Kid had
a wallop that would make a six inch shell look like a lover's caress! Inside of his head the Kid had nothin'! Scanlan went through the welterweight division about like the Marines
went through Belleau Wood, and, finally, the only thing that stood
between him and the title was a guy called One Punch Ross the
champion. They agreed to fight until nature stopped the quarrel, at
Goldfield, Nev. They's two things I'll never forget as long as I pay
the premiums on my insurance policy, and they are the first and second
rounds of that fight. That's as far as the thing went, just two short
frames, but more real scrappin' was had in them few minutes than Europe
will see if Ireland busts loose! Except that they was more principals,
the battle of the Marne would have looked like a chorus men's frolic
alongside of the Ross Scanlan mêlée. They went at each other like
peeved wildcats and the bell at the end of the first round only seemed
to annoy 'em they had to be jimmied apart. Ross opened the second
round by knockin' Scanlan through the ropes into the ten dollar boxes,
but the Kid was back and in there tryin' again before the referee could
find the body to start a count. After beatin' the champ from pillar to
post and hittin' him with everything but the bucket, the Kid rocks him
to sleep with a left swing to the jaw, just before the gong. The crowd went crazy. I went in the hole for five thousand bucks and
the Kid went in the movies! I had been handlin' Ross before that battle, but after it I wouldn't
have buried him! This guy was a ex champion then, and I don't want no
ex nothin' around me unless it's a bill... Continue reading book >>
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Genres for this book |
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Fiction |
Humor |
Literature |
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