Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville Militia   By: Seba Smith

LETTERS OF MAJOR JACK DOWNING,

OF THE DOWNINGVILLE MILITIA.

"The Constitution is a Dimmycratic machine, and it's got to be run as a Dimmycratic machine, or it won't run at all !"

MAJER JACK DOWNING TO LINCOLN.

THIRD EDITION.

NEW YORK: VAN EVRIE, HORTON & CO., No. 162 NASSAU STREET, PRINTING HOUSE SQUARE. 1866.

Entered according to Act of Congress, by BROMLEY & CO., in the year 1864, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York

LOVEJOY & SON, ELECTROTYPERS & STEREOTYPERS, 15 Vandewater st., N.Y.

CONTENTS.

PAGE.

LETTER I.

The Major Announces that he "Still Lives" The Reason why he has not Spoken before Writes to "President Linkin," who at once Sends for him How Lincoln Shakes Hands His Troubles The Major's Advice Lincoln to get an "Appintment on Gineral McClellan's Staff" A Story About Old Rye, from Mr. Lincoln. 15

LETTER II.

Deacon Jenkins, of Downingville, Sent for to Cut and Make the President's Uniform A Provoking Accident Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story The Major as a "Commentater" on the Constitution Mrs. Lincoln's Party "Insine Stebbins, of the Downingville Insensibles, Writes a Paradox for the Occasion" The Major gets Angry Lincoln Tells a Story About Virginia Mud. 23

LETTER III.

The Major has an Attack of the Ague and Fever Begins to get the Hang of Matters at Washington Mr. Lincoln's Improvement in "Military Nollege" Studying "Stratygims" for Gen. McClellan The Major Suggests a Difficulty Mr. Stanton Called on The Negroes at Port Royal "The Nigger Teachin Fever" Deacon Jenkins' Daughter goes to Port Royal to Teach the Negroes. 32

LETTER IV.

A Delegation Calls upon the President The Major Indignant Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story Curious Composition of the Republican Party Difficulty of Keeping it Together The President Hopes to do it by "Sloshin About" Deacon Jenkins Again He is a Temperance Man, but Takes a Glass of Old Rye. 40

LETTER V.

A Blue Time The Major Wins a Hat of the President The Richmond Expedition of Gen. McClellan Mr. Lincoln's Trick on the Major A Letter from Jerusha Matilda Jenkins She gives her Experience in Negro Teaching Priscella Huggins and Elder Sniffles Cloe, the Negro Girl who "Could not be Good unless she was Licked" A Negro Meeting Dancing and Singing The Unpleasant Odor Negroes Steal Miss Huggins' Clothes They Purloin Jerusha's Petticoat It is Thought that their Religion is not "Very Deep" Mr. Lincoln Hears the Letter Read He Declares that Port Royal is a "Cussed Hole" Deacon Jenkins Shocked He Proves it by the Scriptures. 48

LETTER VI.

The Question of the "Contrybands" Lincoln and the Major Discuss it The Major tells a Story Shows Mr. Lincoln That the Government is out of Order Says it's a "Dimmycratic Machine," and that Seward and Chase don't know How to Run it They are Like Old Jim Dumbutter and the Thrashing Machine The Major Tells Another Story "The Kernel" Gets a Joke on Seward Tells a Story about the "Giascutis." 59

LETTER VII.

War "Noose" The President's Anxiety Mr. Lincoln Determines to Apply "the Principle" The Story of Zenas Homespun The Major's Views on Negroes Poetry The Emancipation Ball The Major going to "Cifer" on the Finances. 67

LETTER VIII.

Matters get Confused The "Kernel and the Major" Compelled to go to Fortress Monroe to Straighten Things Out Mr. Lincoln takes his Revolver The Major Sticks to His Hickory Arrival at Fort Monroe They go on a "Tippergraphical Rekonnisanze" A Night Alarm Secretary Stanton tries to get on the President's Pantaloons. 75