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My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III. 1888 Edition By: Anonymous |
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By An Anonymous Author
Amsterdam 1888
Privately Printed For Subscribers. This first reprint of "My Secret Life" is for private distribution
among connoisseur collectors. It is strictly limited to four hundred
and seventy five copies, all of which have been subscribed for prior to
publication.
INTRODUCTION In 18 my oldest friend died. We had been at school and college
together, and our intimacy had never been broken. I was trustee for his
wife and executor at his death. He died of a lingering illness, during
which his hopes of living were alternately raised, and depressed. Two
years before he died, he gave me a huge parcel carefully tied up and
sealed. Take care of, but don't open this he said: if I get better,
return it to me, if I die, let no mortal eye but yours see it, and burn
it. His widow died a year after him. I had well nigh forgoten this packet
which I had had full three years, when looking for some title deeds
I came cross it, and opened it, as it was my duty to do. Its contents
astonished me. The more I read it, the more marvellous it seemed. I
pondered long on the meaning of his instructions when he gave it to me,
and kept the manuscript some years, hesitating what to do with it. At length I came to the conclusion knowing his idiosyncracy well, that
his fear was only lest any one should know who the writer was; and
feeling that it would be sinful to destroy such a history, I copied the
manuscript and destroyed the original. He died relationless. No one now can trace the author, no names are mentioned in the book,
though they were given freely in the margin of his manuscript, and I
alone know to whom the initials refer. If I have done harm in printing
it, I have done none to him, have indeed only carried out his evident
intention, and given to a few a secret history, which bears the impress
of truth on every page, a contribution to psychology.
PREFACE I began these memoirs when about twenty five years old, having from
youth kept a diary of some sort, which perhaps from habit made me think
of recording my inner and secret life. When I began it, I had scarcely read a baudy book, none of which
excepting "Fanny Hill" appeared to me to be truthful, that did, and
it does so still; the others telling of recherche eroticisms, or
of inordinate copulative powers, of the strange twists, tricks, and
fancies, of matured voluptuousness, and philosophical lewedness, seemed
to my comparative ignorance, as baudy imaginings, or lying inventions,
not worthy of belief; although I now know by experience, that they may
be true enough, however eccentric, and improbable, they may appear to
the uninitiated. Fanny Hill was a woman's experience. Written perhaps by a woman, where
was a man's, written with equal truth? That book has no baudy word
in it; but baudy acts need the baudy ejaculations; the erotic, full
flavored expressions, which even the chastest indulge in, when lust, or
love, is in its full tide of performance. So I determined to write my
private life freely as to fact, and in the spirit of the lustful acts
done by me, or witnessed; it is written therefore with absolute truth,
and without any regard whatever for what the world calls decency.
Decency and voluptuousness in its fullest acceptance, cannot exist
together, one would kill the other; the poetry of copulation I have only
experienced with a few women, which however neither prevented them, nor
me from calling a spade, a spade. I began it for my amusement; when many years had been chronicled I tired
of it and ceased. Some ten years afterwards I met a woman, with whom,
or with those she helped me do; I did, said, saw, and heard, well nigh
everything a man and woman could do with their genitals, and began to
narrate those events, when quite fresh in my memory, a great variety of
incidents extending over four years or more. Then I lost sight of her,
and my amorous amusements for a while were simpler, but that part of my
history was complete... Continue reading book >>
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Science |
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