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Nothing to Eat   By: (1832-1899)

Book cover

First Page:

[Illustration: "PROTESTING, EXCUSING, AND SWEARING A VOW, SHE'D NOTHING WORTH EATING TO GIVE US FOR DINNER."]

NOTHING TO EAT.

Illustrated.

NOT

By the Author of "Nothing to Wear"

"I'll nibble a little at what I have got."

"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing."

The least mite will suffice: A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump that's it and one of the fli's"

NEW YORK:

1857

Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by EDWARD O. JENKINS,

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York.

Respectfully Dedicated

TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA.

"Where fashion and folly are all of a suit."

BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.

CONTENTS.

THE ARGUMENT

THE PROOF THE QUEEN OF FASHION

THE OBJECT AIMED AT

WHAT ANOTHER POET DID

HOW THE AUTHOR SOMETIMES DINES

MERDLE THE BANKER

PLACES WHERE MORTALS DINE

THINGS THAT MORTALS EAT THERE

THE INVITATION

THE MERDLE ORIGIN

MRS. MERDLE AT HOME

MRS. MERDLE GOES TO MARKET

THE DINNER BELL RINGS

THE DINNER TABLE TALK

MRS. MERDLE DOUBTS PARADISE'S UNEATING PLEASURES

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EARTHLY

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EATABLE

MRS. MERDLE ORDERETH THE SECOND COURSE

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF HYGIENE AND FISH SAUCE

MRS. MEEDLE DESCRIBETH HER DOCTOR

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH AGAIN ON DINNER

MRS. MERDLE ACCEPTETH OF A SLIGHT DINNER, SUITABLE FOR A WOMAN SUFFERING WITH DYSPEPSIA.

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF WISHES AND HER SUFFERING

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF PUDDING

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THE NECESSITY OF GOOD WINE AND OTHER MATTERS

MRS. MERDLE SUGGESTETH THAT DINNER BEING FINISHED, THE GENTLEMEN WILL SMOKE. IN THE MEANTIME, SHE DISCOURSETH

MRS. MERDLE, HAVING "NIBBLED A LITTLE" FOR TWO HOURS AT DINNER, RETIRETH FROM THE TABLE UNSATISFIED

THE POET MORALIZETH. HE DISCOURSETH TO THOSE WHO GORGE AND COMPLAIN

HE DISCOURSETH OF THE WHEREFORE OF BACHELORISM

HE DISCOURSETH OF WHAT SOME MORTALS LIVE FOR

HE IMPLORETH MERCY UPON THOSE WHO ARE CONDEMNED WITH FASHIONABLE FOLLY TO MARRY, AND ILLUSTRATETH THEIR CONDITION

HE IMPLORETH MERCY FOR OTHER UNFORTUNATE BEINGS

HE DISCOURSETH OF A COMMON PRAYER

HE DISCOURSETH OF TROUBLE AND SORROW

HE MORALIZETH UPON WHAT A DAY MAY BRING FORTH

HAVING REACHED THIRTYSIXTHLY, THE AUTHOR IS ABOUT TO MAKE THE "APPLICATION," AND PRAY FORGIVENESS, BUT CONCLUDES BY REMAINING INCOG

ILLUSTRATIONS.

PLATE I, NOTHING TO EAT

PLATE II, THE "DINING SALOON"

PLATE III, THE INVITATION TO DINNER

PLATE IV, KITTY MALONE'S INHERITANCE

PLATE V, THE MEAT MARKET

PLATE VI, THE DINNER

PLATE VII, THE WATER CURE

PLATE VIII, AFTER DINNER

Nothing To Eat.

Not by the Author of "Nothing to Wear."

The Argument

THOUGH famine prevails not at all in the city; Though none of starvation have died in the street; Yet many there are now exciting our pity, Who're daily complaining of nothing to eat.

The every day cry and the every day fare, That's every day heard where the Livewells are dining, Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to wear, Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining.

There's Kitty Malone Mrs. Merdle 'tis now Was ever on earth here before such a sinner; Protesting, excusing and swearing a vow, She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner.

Why Kitty, if starving for want of a meal, And had'nt a cent in the world to buy meat, You wouldn't exclaim with a more pious zeal, "I'm dying of hunger we've nothing to eat!!"

The Proof the Queen of Fashion

The point I advance, if it need confirmation, I'll prove by a witness that few will dispute, A pink of perfection and truth in the naion Where fashion and folly are all of a suit.

'Tis "Merdle the banker" or rather his wife, Whose fashion, religion, or music, or dress, Is followed, consulted, by many through life, As pilots are followed by ships in distress; For money's a pilot, a master, a king, Which men follow blindly through quicksands and shoals, Where pilots their ships in a moment might fling To destruction the vessel and cargo and souls... Continue reading book >>




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