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Potash and Perlmutter Settle Things   By: (1877-1934)

Book cover

First Page:

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER SETTLE THINGS

BOOKS BY MONTAGUE GLASS

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER SETTLE THINGS WORRYING WON'T WIN

HARPER & BROTHERS NEW YORK [ESTABLISHED 1817]

[Illustration: "he gives himself dead away by getting sore."]

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER SETTLE THINGS

by

MONTAGUE GLASS

Author of "Worrying Won't Win"

Harper & Brothers Publishers New York and London

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER SETTLE THINGS

Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers Printed in the United States of America Published September, 1919

CONTENTS

CHAP. PAGE

I. THEY ARRIVE, AND SO DOES THE PRESIDENT 1

II. SETTLING THE PRELIMINARIES 15

III. THE PRESIDENT'S VISIT TO ENGLAND 24

IV. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING SATISFACTORILY MAYBE 33

V. THIS HERE PEACE CONFERENCE IT NEEDS PUBLICITY 42

VI. JOINING THE LEGION OF HONOR 52

VII. SOME CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENTS FOR THE KAISER 62

VIII. IT ENTERS ON ITS NO GOLD CASKET PHASE 72

IX. WORRYING SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME, AIN'T IT? 82

X. THE NEW HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY 92

XI. IT IS STILL UP IN THE AIR, BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THE SAME FOR TRANSATLANTIC VOYAGES 102

XII. THIS HERE VICTORY LIBERTY LOAN 112

XIII. WHEN IS A SECRET TREATY SECRET? 122

XIV. THE FIRST DAY OF MAY 132

XV. THE PEACE TREATY AS GOOD READING 142

XVI. THE GERMAN ROMAN HOLIDAY AND THE AMERICANIZATION OF AMERICANS 152

XVII. MR. WILSON'S FAVOR OF THE 20TH ULTO. AND CONTENTS NOTED 162

XVIII. BEING UP IN THE AIR, AS APPLIED TO TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHTS, CROWN JEWELS, AND LEAGUE OF NATIONS SPEECHES 172

XIX. THE LEAK AND OTHER MYSTERIES 182

XX. JULY THE FIRST AND AFTER 192

XXI. WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS, ECONOMICALLY AND THEATRICALLY 202

XXII. THEY DISCUSS THE SIGNING OF IT 212

XXIII. THE RECENT UNPLEASANTNESS IN TOLEDO, OHIO 222

XXIV. FEEDING THE PEACE CONFERENCERS AND THE HOUSEHOLD 232

XXV. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? THIS INCLUDES LIBELED MILLIONAIRES, ENFORCED PROHIBITION, AND 241 SHANTUNG

XXVI. THE APPROACHING ROYAL VISIT 251

ILLUSTRATIONS

"HE GIVES HIMSELF DEAD AWAY BY GETTING SORE" Frontispiece

"I WOULDN'T BLAME CHAIRMAN CLEMENCEAU NEITHER, BECAUSE IF THIS HERE PEACE CONFERENCE IS GOING TO END THIS SIDE OF NINETEEN FIFTY, IT'S GOT TO BE SPEEDED UP SOME" Facing p. 44

"A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE IS SO BADLY PREDICTED TO THE LAPEL BUTTON HABIT THEY WOULD JOIN ANYTHING" " 52

"... WHICH WHEN YOU CONSIDER THAT MR. WILSON STARTED IN IN A SMALL WAY" " 144

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER SETTLE THINGS

I

THEY ARRIVE, AND SO DOES THE PRESIDENT

" Nu , what's the matter now ?" Morris Perlmutter asked, as he entered the office one morning after the cessation of hostilities on the western front.

" Ai, tzuris! " Abe moaned in reply, and for at least a minute he continued to rock to and fro in his chair and to make incoherent noises through his nostrils in the manner of a person suffering either from toothache or the recent cancelation of a large order.

"It serves you right," Morris said. "I told you you shouldn't eat that liberty roast at Wasserbauer's yesterday. It used to give you the indigestion when it was known as Koenigsburger Klops , which it is like the German Empire now calling itself the German Republic; changing its name ain't going to alter its poisonous disposition none... Continue reading book >>




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