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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, March 29, 1916   By:

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 150.

March 29, 1916

[Illustration: Fond Mother. "Anything in the paper, dear?" Wage earner (not unkindly). "No, Ma nothing you could understand."]

CHARIVARIA.

"His seventy one years sit lightly on Mr. GIBSON BOWLES," says the Special Correspondent of The Evening News . No doubt Mr. BOWLES has some good reason for permitting this familiarity, for he is not a man to be lightly sat upon.

"In particular," says a report on the resources of German East Africa, "the President of the Silk Association has just directed attention to the wild silk of the anaphe worm." The animal the great two horned silkworm discovered by Sir HARRY JOHNSTON, before whose furious charges, according to the report of natives, even the elephant will give way.

A telegram from Rome states that it is generally believed that Admiral TIRPITZ resigned because he could not take the German Fleet out. Others again maintain that it was because he could no longer take the German people in.

It was recently stated in a Parliamentary Report that verminous uniforms had been purchased by the Government for the sum of £2,650 and immediately resold for £400. The difference is accounted for by the fact that they were sold as going concerns.

A white rook has been observed at Boston Road, Brentford, and a local ornithologist writes to say that the bird is probably an accidental straggler from King's Bishop's Fourth.

"To day in many English homes," says a patriotic contemporary, "alien birds are carolling all unconscious of their countries' doom." One had independently noticed how the modulated of the Turkey buzzard had taken on a mournful tone.

"It is not unusual for horses to go to sleep as they walk along," said a sagacious coroner last week. How often in the old four wheeler days, when we were going ventre a terre from Buckingham Palace to the National Liberal Club, conversation was rendered impossible by the snores of the flying steed.

The price of admission to Kew for perambulators is 3d. on ordinary days, 1s. on student days. The extra charge has been found necessary because of the fact that large numbers of horticulturists, in order to escape military service, have taken to travelling in these vehicles.

According to the author of In a College Garden "it is not advisable to encourage any but educated ladies to become gardeners." It is always pleasant to note the extent to which a simple thing like a potato will recognise and respond to gentility in those who associate with it.

"The Italian Ambassador opened the exhibition of the Royal Society of Brush Artists at the society's premises in Suffolk street."

Evening Paper.

Mr. Punch welcomes the implicit admission that there are others.

"What is needed is that we should have on each of the main lines of our overseas communications at least one ship that is faster than anything else afloat." Manchester Guardian .

Is it not extraordinary that the Admiralty should never have thought of this simple device?

From a theatre programme:

"All the Male Members of the above Company are either attested under Lord Derby's Scheme, or are otherwise Ineligible for Service."

The erroneous impression that to be attested is the short road to ineligibility has evidently spread from the platform to the stage.

FOR THEY ARE JOLLY POOR FELLOWS.

[The fine example of patriotism shown by the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge throws into painful relief the action of some of the obscure remnant, including College Fellows, who have excused themselves from service or adopted an attitude of superior detachment in relation to the War.]

You Intellectuals of Cam and Isis, Pale phantoms in the dawn of Freedom's light, And you that in this hour of England's crisis Haven't the conscience (or the heart) to fight;

You cosmopolitans without a country, Who go aloof on philosophic quests, Sucking the fruit of knowledge from the Hun tree And spiritual milk from alien breasts;

False to that Brotherhood, who for the splendour Of a great cause, with gallant hearts and gay, Of youth and youth's high promise made surrender, Because their courage knew the nobler way;

I envy not your chance on their returning; When, scarred with war, they come from overseas, There should be trouble in those Seats of Learning Where you sat tight and took your pedants' ease... Continue reading book >>


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