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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, February 13, 1892 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 102. February 13, 1892.
"PLEASING THE PIGS!" (FROM A PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL REPORT.) Mr. CHAPLIN received a deputation on the subject of the Swine fever
last week. True to his dramatic instincts as regards the fitness of
things, the Minister for Agriculture was, on this occasion, wearing a
Sow wester. He regretted that he was unable to don a pig tail, which,
as the representative of the Fine Old English Gentleman of years gone
by, he should much like to do, but it was a fashion with the pig wigs
of the last century which he hoped to see revived as "a tail of old
times." It was better, far better to be pig tailed as were their
great grandfathers, than to be pigheaded as were so many people with
pig culiar notions, specially in Scotland. [Illustration] "I am doing and have been doing," said the Ministering CHAPLIN, "my
very best to please the pigs, but there are some pigs that won't be
pleased when they find that everything is not going to be done for
them gratis. You may take this for grunted, I should say granted. Now
let me give you an illustration. There were five pigs belonging to
a well known littery family. The first pig went to market but no one
would purchase him, the second pig stayed at home (not feeling well),
the third pig had pleuro pneumonia, and the fourth pig was in full
swing if you can imagine a pig in a swing of swine fever; and the
fifth and quite the smallest pig of the lot, a mere sucking pig, went
'wheeze, wheeze, wheeze!' and 'wheezes' were always a very bad sign.
À propos of 'signs' I have little doubt but that the well known
sign of the 'Pig and Whistle' descends to us from ancient times of
Influenza. He trusted that the whole pig family would soon be pigging
up again." The Right Hon. Gentleman finished by apologising for not being able
to quote anything apposite from the works of either the philosophic
BACON, the Ettrick Shepherd HOGG, or the poetic SUCKLING, his motto
for the present being " porker verba ," and he had to issue a Circular
about the cattle who were all going wrong. The Deputation thanked Mr. CHAPLIN, and unanimously expressed their
opinion, that where pigs were concerned, the Minister should have
his stye pend increased. Noticing that Mr. CHAPLIN had risen from
his chair, and had assumed a threatening attitude, the Deputation
hurriedly thanked the Minister of Agriculture, and speedily withdrew. ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IN LAST WEEK'S NUMBER. "Mire t = Mitre." CHARLES HADDON SPURGEON. BORN, JUNE 19, 1834. DIED, JAN. 31, 1892. Sturdy saint militant, stout, genial soul,
Through good and ill report you've reached the goal
Of all brave effort, and attained that light
Which makes our clearest noontide seem as night.
How much 'twill show us all! We boast our clarity
Of spiritual sense, but mutual charity
Is still our nearest need when faith grows fierce
And even hope earth's mists can hardly pierce.
You were much loved; you spake a potent word
In the world's ear, and listening thousands heard
With joy that clear and confident appeal.
The lingering doubts finer strung spirits feel,
The sensitive shrinkings from familiar touch
Of the high mysteries, moved you not. Of such
The great throng stirrers! And you stirred the throng
Who felt you honest and who knew you strong;
Racy of homely earth, yet spirit fired
With all their higher moods felt, loved, desired.
Puritan, yet of no ascetic strain
Or arid straitness, freshening as the rain
And healthy as the clod; a native force
Incult yet quickening, cleaving its straight course
Unchecked, unchastened, conquering to the end.
Crudeness may chill, and confidence offend,
But manhood, mother wit, and selfless zeal,
Speech clear as light, and courage true as steel
Must win the many. Honest soul and brave,
The greatest drop their garlands on your grave! 'LOOK HERE, UPON THIS PICTURE AND ON THIS!' ( THE HAYMARKET HAMLET AS HE IS AND OUGHT TO BE... Continue reading book >>
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