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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, January 16, 1892   By:

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 102.

January 16, 1892.

[Illustration: LES FRANCAIS PEINTS PAR EUX MÊMES (ET ILLUSTRÊS PAR NOUS).

"O JULIETTE!" S'ÉCRIA OSCAR, EN S'ASSEYANT À COTÉ D'ELLE SUR LA PIERRE TUMULAIRE, "ÉPOUSE DE MON MEILLEUR AMI! JE JURE QUE JE T'ADORE! JE JURE ICI, SUR LA TOMBE DE MA SAINTE MÈRE, QUI BÉNIT NOS AMOURS DE LÀ HAUT!"]

CABITAL!

SIR, The proposal to extend the Cab Radius to five miles from Charing Cross is good in its way, but it does not go far enough. My idea is that the cheap cab fare should include any place in the Home Counties. Cabmen should also be prevented by law from refusing to take a person, say, from Piccadilly to St. Albans, on the plea that their horse "could not do the distance." All assertions of that kind should be punished as perjury. Cabmen are notoriously untruthful. Why should not Cab Proprietors, too, be obliged to keep relays of horses at convenient spots on all the main roads out of Town in case a horse really proves unequal to going fifteen miles or so into the country, in addition to a hard day's work in London? Yours unselfishly,

St. Albans . NORTHWARD HO!

SIR, Why will people libel the Suburbs, and keep on describing them as dull? I am sure that a place which, like the one I write from, contains a Lawn Tennis Club (entrance into which we keep very select), a Circulating Library, where all the new books of two years' back are obtainable without much delay, a couple of handsome and ascetic young Curates, and a public Park, capable of holding twenty six perambulators and as many nursemaids at one and the same time, can only fitly be described as an Elysium. Still, we should be grateful for better facilities for getting away from its delights now and then, and this proposal to extend the Cab Radius has the warmest support of Yours,

EASILY SATISFIED.

SIR, By all means let us have cheaper Cabs in Greater London! The County Council should subsidise a lot of Cabs, to ply exclusively between London and the outskirts. Or why not a Government Cab Purchase Bill, like the Irish Land Purchase one? We want a special Minister for Public Locomotion perhaps Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL would accept the post?

Yours, spiritedly, HAMPSTEAD HEATHEN.

"HARD TO BEER!"

( ADVANCE SHEET FROM A PROJECTED ANTI BACCHANALIAN TRAGI FARCE, TO BE CALLED "BY ORDER OF THE KAISER." )

SCENE A Market Place in Berlin. German Students carousing. Emissary of the Emperor seated at table apart watching them. Apprehensive Waiters nervously supplying the wants of their Customers.

First German Student . Another flagon of beer, Kellner!

Waiter . Here, Mein Herr! ( Brings glass and, as he places it on the table, whispers aside. ) Oh, beware, my good Lord this is your second glass.

First Ger. Stu. ( with a laugh ). I know what I am about! And now, my friends, I give you a toast The Liberty of the Fatherland!

Chorus of Students . The Liberty of the Fatherland! [ They all drink.

Em. of the Emp. ( apart ). Ha!

[ He makes an entry in his note book.

First Ger. Stu. And now fill another glass. Fill, my comrades I pray you, fill! Kellner! glasses round for myself and friends.

Kellner ( as before supplying their wants and warning them ). Oh, my gracious Lord, be careful! Your third glass mind now, your third glass; you know the risk you are running! But one false drop and you are lost!

First Ger. Stu. ( as before ). Well, my good friend, be sure you supply us with no drop that is not good! Ha, ha, ha! Eh, KARL! eh, CONRAD! eh, HANS! Did you hear my merry jest?

[ They all laugh.

Em. of the Emp. ( as before ). Ha! ( making an entry in his note book ). And they laugh at a witless joke! Good! Very good!

First Ger. Stu. ( joyously ). And now, my comrades, yet another toast The Prosperity of the People!

Chorus of Ger. Stu. ( raising their glasses )... Continue reading book >>


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