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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, February 12, 1919   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 156.

FEBRUARY 12, 1919.

CHARIVARIA.

"Officers," says a recent A.C.I., "may use their public chargers for general purposes." Army circles regard this as a body blow at the taxi sharks.

"I had a thrill the other night," writes a correspondent of The Daily Mail. "I encountered a badger on Hampstead Heath." We hesitate to think what he would have encountered if he had had two or three thrills.

The United States Immigration Bill now before Congress provides that "an alien resident may be joined by his grandfather if over fifty five years of age." A proposal to extend the privilege to great grandfathers who have turned their sixtieth year appears to have met with no success.

"It is highly probable," says the chief medical officer of the Local Government Board, "that masks and goggles will be necessary to ensure freedom from infection from influenza." People who refuse to adopt this simple preventative should be compelled by law to breathe exclusively through their ears.

The sensational report that the new Director General of Housing has already found a house turns out to be unfounded. It is no secret, however, that the Department is on the track of several.

"There is a Members' cloak room," says a contemporary in "Hints to M.P.'s," "where an attendant will take your coat and hat." So different from those other political clubs where another member usually takes them.

SHAKSPEARE on Glasgow: "For this relief much tanks.".

The salute, says a correspondent, is being reintroduced into the German Army. Kicking an officer on the parade ground for other than political reasons is also forbidden.

The Consumers' Council urge, inter alia, "that the Food Ministry ought to be retained so long as there is any need of food control." This view is regarded as entirely too narrow by officials of the Ministry, who feel that the public is just beginning to love them for themselves alone.

A sale of ninety specially selected mules is announced to take place at Tattersall's to morrow. In the technical language of the live stock trade a "specially selected" mule is one which has a clear reach of six feet at either end.

"The Government must say what it will do," states The Daily Mail . Waiting for The Daily Mail to say it first must not be allowed to degenerate into a mere mechanical habit.

For impersonating a voter a carpenter of Gloucester has just been sentenced to a month's imprisonment. Where he succeeded in obtaining the disguise from is not known.

[Illustration: WHEN TAKING A NEW HOUSE ALWAYS EMPLOY A PROFESSIONAL DRAUGHT DETECTOR.]

A LOVE TRAGEDY.

He was a smart new clinical thermometer. She was a pretty nurse in an influenza ward. His figurings were clear and his quicksilver glittered. Her eyes were blue and a little curl peeped from under her cap. He fell madly in love with her; and when her dainty fingers toyed with him his little heart swelled to bursting and he registered all he could.

So when she took her morning temperatures her patients were desperately high, and when the other nurse took them in the evening they were three degrees lower; and the doctors were much perplexed.

They put the love struck thermometer in a tumbler of warm water with two others to test him; and, freed from her influence, he recorded correctly. Learned authorities on medical research meditated pamphlets, on the new variation of the universal plague.

Then came a morning when the pretty nurse, after too many cigarettes the night before, took her own temperature. For the adoring thermometer the supreme moment had arrived. In rapturous ecstasy at the touch of her dear lips he rose to heights of exaltation that left his other efforts far behind. "Drat the thing," exclaimed the pretty nurse, putting him down nastily, "I've got it myself now," and went off to bed... Continue reading book >>


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