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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, January 18, 1890 By: Various |
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VOL. 98. January 18th, 1890. AMONG THE AMATEURS. No. III. REALISATION. SCENE Theatre Royal, Blankbury, on the first night of
the performance of the well known Comedy of "Heads or
Tails?" by the "Thespian Perambulators." Time , 7:50
P.M. A "brilliant and fashionable assemblage" is
gradually filling the house. In the Stalls are many
distinguished Amateurs of both Sexes, including Lady
SURBITON, who has brought her husband and Mrs.
GAGMORE (Lady SURBITON'S particular friend ). The
rest of the Stalls are occupied by the immediate
friends and relations of the Actors. A few professional
Critics are to be seen. They are addressed with much
politeness by the Amateurs in front of the House, and
"played to" with feverish anxiety by the Amateurs on
the Stage. The Orchestra is composed of excellent
Amateur Musicians. The Curtain has not yet risen. Lady Surbiton ( to Mrs. GAGMORE). My dear, it's a wonder we ever got
here. CHARLES of course forgot the date, and told me only yesterday he'd
invited some men to stay for a shoot. He had to listen to reason, though,
and so we spent all yesterday sending telegrams to put them off. I've been
at every performance of The Thespians for years, and it wouldn't do to
begin missing them now, would it? [Illustration] Mrs. Gagmore. Certainly not, dear, it would have been quite a calamity.
There's the Duchess of MIDDLESEX nodding to you. Lady S. So it is. ( Smiles sweetly at the Duchess, who is sitting three
rows off. ) I call it scandalous of her to come out like this when both her
twins have got the measles. Did I tell you I lent Mr. SPINKS my pet parrot,
Penelope, for this performance? Mrs. G. No, dear. I didn't know they ever played it with a parrot. Lady S. Well, they don't usually, but Mr. SPINKS told me that, after
studying the piece very very carefully, he had come to the conclusion that
there ought to be a parrot in Lady Shorthorn's drawing room, and he
begged me to lend him mine. Fortunately it scarcely ever talks. Oh, there's
Mr. PENFOLD! How old he's getting to look. He never seems to have a good
word to say for anyone in his critiques. They're very late in beginning. I
hope nothing has happened to Penelope. Ah! at last. The Orchestra strikes up. After a few minutes the
Curtain rises on "the Drawing room at Bullivant Court."
Sc. 1, Act 1. HARRY HALL, in livery as JOHN the
Footman, is reclining on a sofa, reading a magazine.
Penelope, in her cage, is a conspicuous object on the
O.P. side . John ( yawning ). "Nothink in the Fortnightly , as per usual. Heigh ho!
This is slow work. Who's that?" Enter BELINDA, the Nursery maid. The usual amatory
scene follows. They both disappear, as TIFFINGTON
SPINKS enters made up as "Colonel DEBENHAM," with a
saffron complexion, a grey moustache, a red tie and an
iron grey wig. He shivers. A great deal of preliminary
applause. He bows with dignity, conscious of his fame,
and proceeds. Col. Debenham. "Ugh! how horribly cold this is. I shall have to speak
seriously to SHORTHORN about the state of his fires." Penelope the Parrot ( suddenly and with terrible distinctness ). "Old
fool!" [ A titter from the irreverent. SPINKS pays no heed to the
interruption. Lady Surbiton. How awful! I declare I haven't heard Penelope speak for
six months. I hope to heaven she won't do it again. Mrs. Gagmore. I thought it sounded so natural. Lord S. So it did, that's why it was so out of place. He's getting on all
right now, though. Col. Debenham ( concluding a peppery soliloquy ). "And as for Lady
SHORTHORN and that spiteful cat of a sister of hers, all I can say of TOM
DEBENHAM is " Penelope ( loudly ). "Old fool!" [ Whistles up and down the scale. Much laughter.
SPINKS feels that violent measures are necessary if
the piece is not to be utterly ruined... Continue reading book >>
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