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PUNCH,OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 99.
October 18, 1890.
HOW IT'S DONE.
A HANDBOOK TO HONESTY.
NO. 11. THE STRAIGHT "TIP."
SCENE Sanctum of "Large Wholesale House." Present, one
of the Principals, a pompous personage, with imposing
watch chain, and abundant space for it to meander over, and
a sleekly subservient "Head of Department." Principal looks
irritated , Head of Department apprehensive, the former
angrily shuffling some papers, the latter nervously "washing
his hands with invisible soap, in imperceptible water. "
Principal . Well, Mr. er er SCROOP, we er my partners and
self, are not quite satisfied with the way in which things are going
in er in your department.
Head of Department . Indeed, Sir. Sorry to hear that, Sir. May I ask,
Sir, in er in what particular I have er failed to give complete
satisfaction. ( Aside. ) On the screw again, the old skinflint I know
him.
[Illustration]
Principal. Well, in point of fact, the profits on your branch have
lately been very have seemed er have been by no means what we
could wish, Mr. SCROOP, what we could wish, Sir.
H. of D. Really, Sir, I ah, am grieved to hear it, for, upon my
word, I hardly know
Principal ( abruptly ). There must be cutting down somewhere I say
somewhere , Mr. SCROOP where , I must leave to you. By the way, it
seems to me that PUDDICOMBE's prices are a bit high for a beginner
in the trade as he is. I think his "lines" ought to run a little
lower eh?
H. of D. Well, Sir, I've suggested it to him myself, but he
protested there was hardly a margin left. However, since you name it,
Sir, I'll see what I can do with him. (Aside. ) Ruthless old grinder,
that's his game, is it? Wants a few "extra" pounds to play with, and
means squeezing them out of PUDDICOMBE. Poor PUDDICOMBE, I've already
put the screw on him pretty tightly. However, I must give it another
turn, I suppose.
SCENE II. Head of Department and PUDDICOMBE, a
hard working, struggling manufacturer, who has schemed and
screwed for years to keep in with the Big House.
Puddicombe . Upon my word, Mr. SCROOP, I can't I really can't,
knock off another quarter per cent. It's a tight fight already, and I
can't do it.
H. of D. ( airily ). All right, PUDDICOMBE my boy, as you please.
Plenty who will, you know.
Puddicombe . Really, Mr. SCROOP, I don't see how they can
H. of D. ( rudely ). That's their business. I only know they
will , and jump at it.
Puddicombe ( hesitatingly ). But er I thought, when I made that
little arrangement with you, a year ago, about the trifling bonus to
you, you know, I thought you as good as promised
H. of D. ( severely ). Mr. PUDDICOMBE, you surprise me. I am here,
Sir, to do the best I can for the Firm and I shall do it. If
somebody else's prices are better than yours, somebody else gets the
line, that's all. Good day, Mr. PUDDICOMBE. ( Aside. ) Confound his
impudence! he shan't have another order if I can help it! Trifling
bonus, indeed! One thing, he daren't split so I 'm safe.
[ Exit PUDDICOMBE, despondently. Enter, presently, a
hopeful looking person, with a sample bag.
H. of D. ( cheerily ). Ah, Mr. PINCHER, how do how do? Haven't seen
you for an age.
Mr. Pincher . Good day, Mr. SCROOP. I heard you wanted to see me,
and, as I've a very cheap line in your way, I thought, as I was
passing, I'd venture to look in.
H. of D. Quite right, PINCHER. What's the figure, my boy?
Pincher ( slily ). A shade lower than the lowest you've been giving.
Is that good enough?
H. of D. Well ahem! yes of course, if the quality is right.
Pincher . O.K., I assure you, Sir!
H. of D. Well, we're quoted as low as forty five. If you can beat
that, I think I can place the order with you.
Pincher ( aside ). Liar! Even poor PUDDICOMBE wouldn't go under
fifty. However, here goes! ( Aloud. ) Will five off meet your views?
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