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Scarborough and the Critic   By: (1751-1816)

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LORD FOPPINGTON Mr. Dodd. SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY Mr. Moody. COLONEL TOWNLY Mr. Brereton. LOVELESS Mr. Smith. TOM FASHION Mr. J. Palmer. LA VAROLE Mr. Burton. LORY Mr. Baddeley. PROBE Mr. Parsons. MENDLEGS Mr. Norris. JEWELLER Mr. Lamash SHOEMAKER Mr. Carpenter. TAILOR Mr. Parker. AMANDA Mrs. Robinson. BERINTHIA Miss Farren. MISS HOYDEN Mrs. Abington. MRS. COUPLER Mrs. Booth. NURSE Mrs. Bradshaw.

Sempstress, Postilion, Maid, and Servants.



What various transformations we remark, From east Whitechapel to the west Hyde Park! Men, women, children, houses, signs, and fashions, State, stage, trade, taste, the humours and the passions; The Exchange, 'Change Alley, wheresoe'er you're ranging, Court, city, country, all are changed or changing The streets, some time ago, were paved with stones, Which, aided by a hackney coach, half broke your bones. The purest lovers then indulged in bliss; They ran great hazard if they stole a kiss. One chaste salute! the damsel cried Oh, fie! As they approach'd slap went the coach awry Poor Sylvia got a bump, and Damon a black eye.

But now weak nerves in hackney coaches roam, And the cramm'd glutton snores, unjolted, home; Of former times, that polish'd thing a beau, Is metamorphosed now from top to toe; Then the full flaxen wig, spread o'er the shoulders, Conceal'd the shallow head from the beholders. But now the whole's reversed each fop appears, Cropp'd and trimm'd up, exposing head and ears: The buckle then its modest limits knew, Now, like the ocean, dreadful to the view, Hath broke its bounds, and swallowed up the shoe: The wearer's foot like his once fine estate, Is almost lost, the encumbrance is so great. Ladies may smile are they not in the plot? The bounds of nature have not they forgot? Were they design'd to be, when put together, Made up, like shuttlecocks, of cork and feather? Their pale faced grandmammas appeared with grace When dawning blushes rose upon the face; No blushes now their once loved station seek; The foe is in possession of the cheek! No heads of old, too high in feather'd state, Hinder'd the fair to pass the lowest gate; A church to enter now, they must be bent, If ever they should try the experiment. As change thus circulates throughout the nation, Some plays may justly call for alteration; At least to draw some slender covering o'er, That graceless wit [Footnote: "And Van wants grace, who never wanted wit." POPE.] which was too bare before: Those writers well and wisely use their pens, Who turn our wantons into Magdalens; And howsoever wicked wits revile 'em, We hope to find in you their stage asylum.


SCENE I. The Hall of an Inn . Enter TOM FASHION and LORY, POSTILION following with a portmanteau . Fash . Lory, pay the postboy, and take the portmanteau. Lory. [Aside to TOM FASHION .] Faith, sir, we had better let the postboy take the portmanteau and pay himself. Fash. [Aside to LORY .] Why, sure, there's something left in it! Lory . Not a rag, upon my honour, sir! We eat the last of your wardrobe at New Malton and, if we had had twenty miles further to go, our next meal must have been of the cloak bag. Fash . Why, 'sdeath, it appears full! Lory . Yes, sir I made bold to stuff it with hay, to save appearances, and look like baggage. Fash. [Aside .] What the devil shall I do? [ Aloud .] Hark'ee, boy, what's the chaise? Post ... Continue reading book >>

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