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Ship-Bored   By: (1879-1947)

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First Page:

SHIP BORED

By The Same Author

THE NEED OF CHANGE. Cloth. 50 cents net

PARIS À LA CARTE. Cloth. 60 cents net

MY ENEMY THE MOTOR. Cloth. 50 cents net

SHIP BORED

by

JULIAN STREET

Author of "The Need of Change," Etc.

With Illustrations by May Wilson Preston

[Illustration: THE SPOTTER IS A "PERFECT DEAR," AND THAT IS HOW YOUR WIFE COMES TO LOSE TWELVE DRESSES AND A TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLAR NECKLACE AND HAVE HYSTERICS ON THE DOCK.

( See page 47 )]

[Illustration]

New York John Lane Company MCMXIV

Copyright, 1911 by The Ridgway Company

Copyright, 1912 by John Lane Company

TO BOOTH TARKINGTON

" Loda il mare da terra. "

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

The spotter is "a perfect dear", and that is how your wife comes to lose twelve dresses and a twenty thousand dollar necklace and have hysterics on the dock Frontispiece

Small wonder that you hand a dollar to your sister and kiss the porter 14

I recognise the blonde divinity. Her eyes are closed, her hat on one ear, and she is wrapped like a mummy 18

How the ship rolls and lurches 22

Ah, confidences beside a life boat on the upper deck! 26

Quite the nicest place on the whole ship is the smoke room

Your cap goes flying overboard. Your cigar is blown to shreds 38

There is a horrible fascination about a ship's concert, something hypnotic that draws you, very much against your word and will 44

"Ship Bored" originally appeared in Everybody's Magazine .

PREFACE

Whatever the effect of "Ship Bored" upon others, its publication has exerted a very definite effect upon me, or rather upon the character of my daily mail. Instead of letters the postman now leaves little packages containing pills which, according to the senders, will prevent the casting of bread upon the waters.

It is astonishing to learn how many sea sick remedies there are. Looking at the bottles and the boxes piled, each morning by my breakfast plate, I sometimes wonder if there aren't as many remedies as sufferers.

But suppose there are? Why do people send the medicines to me? Why do perfect strangers assume that, because I have taken up the task of muck raking the Atlantic Ocean, I am in need of antidotes for mal de mer ? Even suppose that I do suffer thus at sea? Is it anybody else's business or luncheon?

All great literary works are born of suffering. Stop the suffering and you stop the author. Yet people keep on sending pills to me each pill an added insult if you choose to take it that way.

But I don't take them that way. I don't take them at all. I try them on my friends. When a friend of mine is sailing I send him a few pills out of a recent bottle. If he reports that he was sea sick I throw away the balance of the bottle. The same if he dies. That shows that the pills are too strong.

I do not wish to take undue credit to myself for conducting these experiments. Since the pills are given to me, my researches cost me nothing excepting an occasional friend whom (as he was sailing for Europe, anyway) I should not be able to see, even if he were alive.

J. S.

NEW YORK, January, 1912 .

SHIP BORED

When the cabin port holes are dark and green Because of the seas outside; When the ship goes wop (with a wiggle between) And the steward falls into the soup tureen, And the trunks begin to slide; When Nursey lies on the floor in a heap, And Mummy tells you to let her sleep, And you aren't waked or washed or dressed, Why, then you will know (if you haven't guessed) You're "Fifty North and Forty West!"

Just So Stories... Continue reading book >>




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