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Bedridden and the Winter Offensive Deep Waters, Part 8. By: W. W. Jacobs (1863-1943) |
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By W.W. JACOBS CONTENTS:
BEDRIDDEN
THE WINTER OFFENSIVE BEDRIDDEN July 12, 1915. Disquieting rumours to the effect that epidemic of
Billetitis hitherto confined to the north of King's Road shows signs of
spreading. July 14. Report that two Inns of Court men have been seen peeping over
my gate. July 16. Informed that soldier of agreeable appearance and charming
manners requests interview with me. Took a dose of Phospherine and went.
Found composite photograph of French, Joffre, and Hindenburg waiting for
me in the hall. Smiled (he did, I mean) and gave me the mutilated form
of salute reserved for civilians. Introduced himself as Quartermaster
Sergeant Beddem, and stated that the Inns of Court O.T.C. was going
under canvas next week. After which he gulped. Meantime could I take in
a billet. Questioned as to what day the corps was going into camp said
that he believed it was Monday, but was not quite sure might possibly be
Tuesday. Swallowed again and coughed a little. Accepted billet and felt
completely re warded by smile. Q.M.S. bade me good bye, and then with
the air of a man suddenly remembering something, asked me whether I could
take two. Excused myself and interviewed my C.O. behind the dining room
door. Came back and accepted. Q.M.S. so overjoyed (apparently) that he
fell over the scraper. Seemed to jog his memory. He paused, and gazing
in absent fashion at the topmost rose on the climber in the porch, asked
whether I could take three! Added hopefully that the third was only a
boy. Excused myself. Heated debate with C.O. Subject: sheets.
Returned with me to explain to the Q.M.S. He smiled. C.O. accepted at
once, and, returning smile, expressed regret at size and position of
bedrooms available. Q.M.S. went off swinging cane jauntily. July 17. Billets arrived. Spoke to them about next Monday and canvas.
They seemed surprised. Strange how the military authorities decline to
take men into their confidence merely because they are privates. Let
them upstairs. They went (for first and last time) on tiptoe. July 18. Saw Q.M.S. Beddem in the town. Took shelter in the King's
Arms. Jug. 3. Went to Cornwall. Aug. 31. Returned. Billets received me very hospitably. Sept. 4. Private Budd, electrical engineer, dissatisfied with
appearance of bell push in dining room, altered it. Sept. 5. Bells out of order. Sept. 6. Private Merited, also an electrical engineer, helped Private
Budd to repair bells. Sept. 7. Private Budd helped Private Merited to repair bells. Sept. 8. Privates Budd and Merited helped each other to repair bells. Sept. 9. Sent to local tradesman to put my bells in order. Sept. 15. Told that Q.M.S. Beddem wished to see me. Saw C.O. first.
She thought he had possibly come to take some of the billets away.
Q.M.S. met my approach with a smile that re minded me vaguely of picture
postcards I had seen. Awfully sorry to trouble me, but Private Montease,
just back from three weeks' holiday with bronchitis, was sleeping in the
wood shed on three planks and a tin tack. Beamed at me and waited. Went
and bought another bed stead. Sept. 16. Private Montease and a cough entered into residence. Sept. 17, 11.45 p.m. Maid came to bedroom door with some cough lozenges
which she asked me to take to the new billet. Took them. Private
Montease thanked me, but said he didn't mind coughing. Said it was an
heirloom; Montease cough, known in highest circles all over Scotland
since time of Young Pretender. Sept. 20. Private Montease installed in easy chair in dining room with
touch of bronchitis, looking up trains to Bournemouth. Sept. 21. Private Montease in bed all day. Cook anxious "to do her
bit" rubbed his chest with home made embrocation. Believe it is same
stuff she rubs chests in hall with. Smells the same anyway. Sept. 24. Private Montease, complaining of slight rawness of chest, but
otherwise well, returned to duty. Oct. 5... Continue reading book >>
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