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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, March 14, 1917   By:

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VOL. 152.

March 14th, 1917.


It is rumoured that for his mismanagement of the Mexican affair the KAISER has decided to teach Herr ZIMMERMANN a terrible lesson. He is to be appointed Food Dictator.

"It is impossible to predict when the War will end," says Field Marshal VON HINDENBERG. Of course this is all nonsense. Many of our Military Experts have predicted it more than once.

A French journal is of the opinion that the War will end this year, but the Germans are not so pessimistic about it.

"Everything is going right for us," says the Frankfurter Zeitung . We can't speak for everything, but it is quite true as far as the British Army is concerned.

The Germans waste no time and are already dealing with the Unemployed question. The KAISER has decided to give a dinner to Count BERNSTORFF.

"In America," says Dr. OTTO FLABE in the Vossische Zeitiung , "the swindler and the cheat is a hero." It will be remembered how popular Count BERNSTORFF said he had been during his stay there.

Just to show the British Parliament that it can be done, it is rumoured that the KAISER is about to grant Home Rule to Mexico.

The Prussian Herrenhaus has passed a resolution demanding that the Imperial Government should conclude an immediate peace on terms consistent with Pan German ideals, including annexation of Belgium and Poland, payment of indemnity by the Allies, etc. The GERMAN CHANCELLOR is understood to have replied in effect, "Go and do it yourselves."

Sofia announces that 35,000 Bulgarian geese are to be permitted to go to Germany. As in the case of the Bulgarian Fox who went to Vienna, there appears to be little likelihood that they will ever return.

After the bombardment of Margate, says the Evening News , rabbits were found dead from fright in their hutches. To avoid the suspicion of partisanship our contemporary should have explained that they were not at the time in Government employ.

The cost of brown paper is said to have advanced to forty shillings a ton, or four times its price in peace time. Its use as a substitute for "Havana" tobacco (from which it can often be distinguished only by its aroma) is probably responsible for the rise.

Allotment holders have been warned to be on their guard against wire worms, and special constables are keeping a sharp look out by the potato beds. A still more efficacious method of protection is to enclose the allotment with barbed wire wormless.

Two speakers at a Ramsgate meeting recalled that they were chums seventy three years ago. The touching incident has resulted in a local appeal for them to be drafted to the same regiment when their class is called up.

The Cuckfield Council has appealed to householders not to put broken glass in their swill. With all imports of glass ware cut off, it is felt that even our pigs must be required to forgo some of their accustomed delicacies.

"The heavy tread of policemen often keeps me awake," said the Willesden magistrate. He admits, however, that the darkened streets and the absence of parental discipline make it more than ever necessary that the Force should put its foot down firmly.

"Seagulls in Thanet," says a contemporary, "are coming to the backs of houses and sharing crumbs with the sparrows." It is doing no more than justice to a much abused bird to point out that the sparrows are also sharing crumbs with the seagulls.

It appears from a contemporary gossip writer that Count PLUNKETT has definitely decided not to take his seat in the House of Commons until after the War. This will be a relief to the authorities, who had feared that the two events might clash.


In order to meet the national need for economy in the consumption of paper, the Proprietors of Punch are compelled to reduce the number of its pages, but propose that the amount of matter published in Punch shall by condensation and compression be maintained and even, it is hoped, increased... Continue reading book >>

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