THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A MONKEY [Illustration] FOUND AND PICTURED BY HY. MAYER VERSES BY ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE [Illustration] NEW YORK R. H. RUSSELL MDCCCXCVII Copyright 1897 BY ROBERT HOWARD RUSSELL [Illustration] PART FIRST. THE DEPARTURE FROM THE FOREST. Where the light laughs in through the tree-tops And sports with the tangled glade, In the depths of an Afric forest My earliest scenes were laid. [Illustration] In a bower that was merry with smilax From the grimace of no-where, I woke I was born on the first day of April And they called me a jungle joke. [Illustration] [Illustration] And the voices of birds were about me-- And the beat and the flutter of wing; While morning returned at the trumpet Of Tusky, our elephant king. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] My nurse was a crooning old beldame Who gazed in the palms of my hands And vowed I was destined to travel In many and marvellous lands. [Illustration] But little I heeded her croaking, For I gamboled the whole day long, And swung by my tail from the tree-top, Or joined in the jungle song. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] THE SONG OF THE JUNGLE. _The Elephant:_ Oh, I am the lord of the forest and plain! _The Lion, Tigers, etc.:_ And we are the beasts that acknowledge your reign! _The Birds:_ And we are the minstrels that come at your call! _The Monkeys:_ And we are the jesters that laugh at you all! [Illustration] _Chorus, All--_ _Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!_ _The tribes of the jungle are we--_ _Our home is the darksome wilderness_ _That never a man shall see._ _The Elephant:_ Oh, the jungle was meant and was made for my will! _The Lions, Tigers, etc.:_ For the sport of the chase and the zest of the kill! _The Birds:_ For the beating of wings and the echo of song! _The Monkeys:_ For gambol and grimace the whole season long! [Illustration] [Illustration] _Chorus, All:_ _Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Oh, yes!_ _For all of the tribes that be_ _With homes in the tangled wilderness_ _That never a man shall see._ [Illustration] But, alas, for the boasts of the jungle! The men came among us one day, And one with a box that made music Enticed foolish monkeys away. The birds and the beasts of the forest Were mute at the marvellous song, But the monkeys crept out of the tree-tops-- An eager and wondering throng. [Illustration] The birds and the beasts of the forest Kept hidden and silent that day, But the monkey-folk formed a procession And followed the minstrel away. And thus did we give up the forest To dwell with our brothers, the men-- Farewell to the beautiful jungle! 'Twas long ere I saw it again! [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] PART SECOND. THE WAYS OF MEN. Then away to a far distant country On a drift that they said was a ship, And I studied the ways of my master And profited much by the trip. And we sailed to his home in fair Naples, Where I studied the language of men, And I sat on a bench with his children, But soon we went sailing again. [Illustration] [Illustration] And I made some nice friends on the voyage, And engaged in a pretty romance. I charmed all the ladies by climbing, And one of them taught me to dance. [Illustration] Yet often I longed for the jungle-- Its song and the rustle of wing-- And sometimes at night in my slumber I talked with our elephant king. [Illustration] [Illustration] One morning my master awoke me, And, dressed in a gaudy new suit, I beheld the New World in the sunlight, And lifted my hat in salute. And then began troubles and trials-- Through the streets by a string I was led; Toiling hard all the day for my master, Yet oft going hungry to bed. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] But he sold me at last to a circus And my lot became easier then, So I gave many moments of leisure To acquiring the habits of men. I copied their manners and customs I made of each fashion a note; And the children admired my performance And the ladies the cut of my coat. [Illustration] [Illustration] By and by I was sold to a banker Who was charmed with my ball-rolling feat, And arrayed in a Fauntleroy costume I passed all my time on the street. [Illustration] [Illustration] But alas for my plans of the future! He died without leaving a cent, And I had to go out to hard labor To pay for my victuals and rent; Till I met with a gentleman's valet Who was like me in manner and face, And I told him some stories that pleased him And bribed him to give me his place. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] Then I started to serve my new master-- A bachelor cynic was he, Who quickly saw through the deception And made a proposal to me. Said he: "You're a monkey, you rascal, And an excellent type of the brood; Let's play a good joke on society By passing you off as a dude." [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] So he took me at first to his barber, Who shaved me and shortened my hair, And the last tangled trace of the jungle Was gone when I rose from his chair. [Illustration] [Illustration] And then to his tailor and hatter-- His hosier and all of the rest, Till at night I was changed from a monkey To a chappie most stylishly dressed. And standing alone and reflecting I thought of the why and the how, And I wondered what Tusky was doing And what would the jungle say, now. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] PART THIRD. THE BUTTERFLY WHIRL. It was then for the triumphs of conquest! Oh, then for the life of the swell! I dwelt like a lord with my patron In a suite of a gilded hotel. And we went out to plays and to dinners-- On the ladies he took me to call-- And once we received invitations To a beautiful fancy-dress ball. [Illustration] [Illustration] 'Twas a famous affair and it won me, With its titter and tinsel and tune, For it carried me back to the jungle And the monkey-dance under the moon. Then I mingled with other diversions. I learned how to paint and to ride; I cut a great figure at polo-- The science of golfing I tried. [Illustration] [Illustration] As a wheelman I soon became famous And made a great score on the track-- I was known as the king of the scorchers, With the typical bicycle back. Then a girl who was youthful and silly Made love to me just for a lark, And came with an elegant turnout And took me to drive in the park. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] And I took her out boating next morning, For the face of my charmer was fair; It carried me back to the jungle-- To the flow'rs that were blossoming there. [Illustration] [Illustration] But soon, in the midst of my pleasure, In the glow of a roseate dream, The boat struck a rock and tipped over And tumbled us both in the stream. Then, ho, for the skill of the jungle! The deftness of foot and of hand! For I hung from a limb and I saved her And drew her at last to the strand. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] And then to her home I went proudly To claim the fair maid for my own, But her father demanded a title, And hardened his heart like a stone. And now came the death of my patron, That left me alone in the strife, And yearning once more for the jungle, I turned to political life. [Illustration] PART FOURTH. THE RETURN PATH. Then I studied a week to gain knowledge, And waded through volumes of stuff, And I found that the only requirements Were cunning and blarney and bluff. And these I had brought from the jungle-- Inherited straight from my race-- With a gift for political music And a truly political face. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] Thus feeling at home in my labors, My plan was successful, of course, And when they came round with appointments They gave me a job on "the force." And such was my skill as a roundsman, And talent in keeping the peace, That I rose in a year to be Captain, And then to be Chief of Police! [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] And then, as my years were advancing, So great was their honor and trust, That they twined me a chaplet of laurel And sculptured in marble my bust. [Illustration] [Illustration] Yet often I dreamed of the jungle-- Its song and the rustle of wing-- And sometimes still talked in my slumber With Tusky, our elephant king. When, lo, my political party, That now was in power and supreme, Conferred a most noble appointment That realized all of my dream. [Illustration] [Illustration] For they made me their African envoy, And soon I went sailing again, To meet my old playmates and tell them The ways and the customs of men. To calm the dusk native, and gather My people in sun-haunted nooks To tell them my story, and teach them The wisdom that cometh of books; [Illustration] [Illustration] The words and the ways of _their fathers_, And deliver my race from its ban, For man did not spring from the monkey, But monkey _descended from man!_ [Illustration] [Illustration] --- Provided by LoyalBooks.com ---