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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, June 13, 1891   By:

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VOL. 100.

June 13, 1891.



SCENE The Auditorium of a Music Hall, the patrons of which are respectable, but in no sense "smart." The occupants of the higher priced seats appear to have dropped in less for the purpose of enjoying the entertainment than of discussing their private affairs though this does not prevent them from applauding everything with generous impartiality.

The Chairman . Ladies and Gentlemen, the Celebrated Character Duettists and Variety Artistes, the Sisters SILVERTWANG, will appear next!

[ They do; They have just sung a duet in praise of Nature with an interspersed step dance. "Oh, I love to 'ear the echo on the Moun ting! " ( Tiddity iddity iddity iddity um! ) " And to listen to the tinkle of the Foun ting! " ( Tiddity, &c. )

A White capped Attendant ( taking advantage of a pause, plaintively ). Sengwidges, too pence!

Voluble Lady in the Shilling Stalls ( telling her Male Companion an interminable story with an evasive point ). No, but you 'ear what I'm going to tell you, because I'm coming to it presently. I can't remember his name at this moment something like BUDKIN, but it wasn't that, somewhere near Bond Street, he is, or a street off there; a Scotchman, but that doesn't matter! ( Here she breaks off to hum the Chorus of "Good Ole Mother in Law!" which is being sung on the stage. ) Well, let me see what was I telling you? Wait a minute, excuse me , oh, yes, well , there was this picture, mind you, it's a lovely painting , but the frame simply nothing, not that I go by frames, myself, o' course not, but I fetched it down to show him oh, I know what you'll say, but he must know something about such things; he knew my uncle, and I can tell you what he is he's a florist, and married nineteen years, and his wife's forty years older than me, but I've scarcely spoke to her , and no children, so I fetched it to show him, and as soon as he set eyes on it, he says ( Female "Character Comic" on Stage, lugubriously . "Ritolderiddle, ol de ray , ritolderiddle, olde ri ido !") I can't tell you how old it is, but 'undreds of years, and Chinese, I shouldn't wonder, but we can't trace its 'istry that's what he said, and if he don't know, nobody does, for it stands to reason he must be a judge, though nothing to me, when I say nothing, I mean all I know of him is that he used to be ( Tenor Vocalist on Stage . "My Sweetheart when a Bo oy!") I always like that song, don't you? Well, and this is what I was wanting to tell you, she got to know what I'd done how is more'n I can tell you, but she did, and she come straight in to where I was, and I see in a minute she'd been drinking, for drink she does, from morning to night, but I don't mind that , and her bonnet all on the back of her head, and her voice that 'usky, she ( Tenor . "She sang a Song of Home Sweet Home a song that reached my heart!") And I couldn't be expected to put up with that , you know, but I haven't 'alf told you yet well , &c., &c.


First Professional Lady, "resting" to Second Ditto ( as Miss FLORRIE FOLJAMBE appears on Stage ). New dresses, to night.

Second Ditto . Yes. ( Inspects Miss F.'s costume .) Something wrong with that boy's dress in front, though, cut too low. Is that silver bullion it's trimmed with? That silver stuff they put on my pantomime dress has turned quite yellow!

First Ditto . It will sometimes. Did you know any of the critics when you were down at Slagtown for the Panto?

Second Ditto . I knew the Grimeshire Mercury , and he said most awfully rude things about me in his paper. I was rather rude to him at rehearsal, but we made it up afterwards. You know LILY'S married, dear?

First Ditto . What LILY? You don't mean it!

Second Ditto . Oh, yes, she is , though. She went out to Buenos Ayres, and the other day she was taken in to dinner by the Bishop of the Friendly Isands... Continue reading book >>

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