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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 30, 1892   By:

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VOL. 103.

July 30, 1892.




Iago MR. J S PH CH MB RL N. Roderigo MR. J SSE C LL NS.

Roderigo. Thou told'st me thou did'st hold him in thy hate.

Iago. Despise me, if I did not. The great ones of the City, In personal suit to make me his Lieutenant, Off capped to him: and, by the faith of man, I know my price I am worth no worse a place; But he, as loving his own pride and purposes, Evades them with a bombast circumstance, Horribly stuffed with epithets of war; And, in conclusion, Nonsuits my meditators; for, "Certes," says he, "I have already chose my officer." And who was he? Forsooth, a great Arithmetician. That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows More than a spinster; unless the bookish theorick, Wherein the toged Consul can propose As masterly as he; mere prattle, without practice, Is all his soldiership. But, Sir, he had the Election!


SCENE Small, but Fashionable Club in West End.

Algy. Waiter! bring me a brandy and soda. Don't feel up to the average to day.

Hughie. Late last night?

Algy. Yes. Went to Mrs. CRAMMERLY's Dance, Prince's Gate. Goodness knows why I went! I don't think they'll get me there again in a hurry.

Charlie ( waking up from arm chair ). Were you a victim too? I didn't see you there!

Algy. No. Because I probably left before you arrived. I had had enough of it in an hour, and came on here to supper; not before I had nearly poisoned myself with a concoction that old CRAMMERLY was asserting loudly, was an "'80 wine."

Charlie ( laughing ). Ah! my dear friend, I had been there before, and knew the ropes. Took pretty good care to steer clear of the wine, and got a chap to give me a whiskey and soda.

Uninvited Member. May I ask where was this charming Party?

Algy. At the CRAMMERLY's, Prince's Gate. Colonel CRAMMERLY.

Uninvited M. Colonel CRAMMERLY! Let's see, was he an old Crimea man?

Algy. No ! He was Colonel in the Bounders Green Volunteers. ( Roars of laughter. ) You know "CRAMMERLY's Starch" made a fortune out of it.

Charlie. He must have spent a bit of it last night. They say the flowers alone cost over a thousand pounds.


Enter Captain O.

Captain O. Talking about the Colonel CRAMMERLY Party, eh? ( To Uninvited M.) Were you there?

Uninvited M. ( very satirically ). Oh, dear no! I fear I'm not smart enough to warrant my admittance into that charmed and select circle. [ Roars of laughter.

Capt. O. By Jove, you were well out of it. ( Addressing the Club generally. ) Did you ever see such eh?

Charlie. I want to know where the deuce they get their men from.

Algy. I fancy they discover them in the City.

Jack. I never met such shocking people before.

Capt. O. Too dreadful for words. I could only conclude they must have been relations. [ Roars of laughter.

Jack. By the way, did you notice that there was a "bounder" who was reversing?

Uninvited M. ( with great indignation ). No!!!

Jack. I tell you it's a positive fact I know it to my cost; for I was dancing with that youngest daughter, you know the one who has the fluffy fringe over her forehead and the brute bounced against us, and sent us flying. Never even apologised. If I could have got him outside, I declare I would have given him a deuced good hiding. A man like that ought to be kicked.

Uninvited M. Were the women any better?

Algy. Well, if you call Mrs. DASH any better!

Uninvited M. ( with tragic intensity ). You don't mean to say she was there!

Algy. I do .

Uninvited M. But do you mean to say that Mrs. CRAMMERLY has heard

Jack. No. She's deaf. [ Laughter... Continue reading book >>

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