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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, March 11, 1893 By: Various |
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VOL. 104 MARCH 11, 1893. MIXED NOTIONS. No. VI. REGISTRATION REFORM. ( Scene and Persons as Usual. ) First Well Informed Man ( bristling with indignation, as he lays down his
newspaper ). Well, I'm dashed! Inquirer ( nervously ). What's up? First W. I. M. What's up! Everything's up. Up the spout, that's where
this blessed country will be if this kind of thing's going on. Inquirer. What kind of thing? First W. I. M. Why, all this gerrymandering kind of business. Inquirer. Oh, by the way, that reminds me. I came on that word the other
day. Can any of you chaps tell me what it means? First W. I. M. It's as plain as a pikestaff. It means playing ducks and
drakes with things all round, and letting the whole business go thoroughly
rotten. Inquirer. Has it got anything to do with jerry builders? First W. I. M. It's the same thing precisely. Inquirer ( insisting ). But what's the point of calling 'em jerry? Where
does that come in? First W. I. M. It's a French word. Second W. I. M. It isn't. It's German. First W. I. M. Bosh, it's French. Second W. I. M. I bet you a dollar it's German. First W. I. M. And I bet you a dollar it's French. ( To Average Man. )
Here, you decide. Which is it? Average Man. Well, I'm sure it isn't French Second W. I. M. ( interrupting ). Of course it isn't. Pay up, my boy! Average Man ( continuing ). But, on the other hand, it isn't German. First W. I. M. Oh, rot! It must be one or the other, you know.
( Scornfully. ) You'll be telling us it's Greek next. Average Man. Well, of course, it might be; but, as a matter of fact, I
fancy it's English. First W. I. M. , Second W. I. M. ( together ). Oh, you tell that to the
Marines! It won't wash here. Inquirer ( doubtfully ). Perhaps it's American. Average Man ( resignedly ). Well I daresay it is. Any way, you can have
it so if you like, It may be Sanskrit for all I care. [ Retires to his paper. A pause. Inquirer ( to First W. I. M. ). But, look here, what made you lose your
hair, just now? You looked as angry as blazes about something. First W. I. M. ( with dignity ). Did I? Well, isn't it enough to make
anybody, who loves his country, angry when he sees what's going on. Why,
the Government's going to turn everything inside out, with some blessed new
law about elections. Registration Bill, they call it, or something of that
sort. Just as if we hadn't had enough tinkering and pottering lately. It's
all through this confounded County Council interfering with everything. Second W. I. M. ( aggressive ). What the dickens has the County Council
got to do with it? You're always dropping on the County Council. First W. I. M. Oh, they've got their finger in every pie. I'm pretty
certain this is their job. Second W. I. M. Well, you're wrong this time, that's all. You're thinking
of the Employers' Liability Bill. First W. I. M. No, I'm not. I never even heard of it. So that's where
you're wrong. What has the Employers' Liabill got I mean the
Employers' ( steadily, and with determination ) Li a bil ity Bill got to do
with the County Council? Second W. I. M. Everything. Didn't you read JOHN BURNS'S speech about it? First W. I. M. No and I don't mean to. Ask me another. Second W. I. M. All right I will. Do you mean to deny that our present
Registration System is a ridiculous one? First W. I. M. ( hotly ). Yes, I do. Second W. I. M. ( with triumph ). Ah, I've got you now. You said, only
yesterday, that any system by which a Government like this got into power
must be ridiculous. ( To Inquirer.) Didn't he? Inquirer ( hesitating ). Well, I'm not quite sure. I rather fancy he did
say something of that kind. But ( deprecatingly ) perhaps he meant
something else. First W. I. M. No, I didn't. I meant what I said and I stick to it. But
that isn't the same thing as the Registration System. Second W. I. M. Perhaps you'll tell us, then, what the Registration
System is? Inquirer ( eagerly )... Continue reading book >>
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