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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, April 12, 1890 By: Various |
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OR, THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOLUME 98. APRIL 12, 1890.
A SUGGESTION FROM PUMP HANDLE COURT. MY DEAR MR. PUNCH, As the representative of Justice in this country, I
appeal to you. And when I write this, you must not imagine that I claim,
in my own person, to represent Justice no, Sir, I only to some extent
suggest the Law a very different matter. But, Sir, as suggesting the
Law, I apply to you for redress on behalf of hundreds, nay, thousands,
of members of a very noble and learned profession. Sir, you will have
noticed that the Law Courts are congested. Look through the daily list
(this you can do when term recommences), and you will find, that
although Chancery is doing fairly well, there is scarcely a movement in
Common Law. The reason for this is obvious. Nearly all the Common Law
Judges are away, and business is simply at a standstill. Now, Sir, I am
very reluctant to give their Lordships more trouble than necessary, but
I do think, for all our sakes, that increased facility should be
afforded for trying cases single handed. It should be managed in this
wise. But here, perhaps, in the cause of intelligibility, you will
permit me to describe my method in common (dramatic) form. SCENE A Court in the Queen's Bench Division. Judge seated at a table
covered with telephones. Bar benches empty, two Litigants (laymen)
discovered in the well . His Lordship. Now, Gentlemen, as you are appearing in person, you can
say and do what you please. It does not matter to me in the least, to
use a colloquial expression, what you are up to. All I would ask is,
that I shall not be disturbed until the time comes for me to deliver my
ruling. Litigants (together). Certainly, my Lord. ( They both commence
quarrelling. ) His Lordship (with C. C. C. telephone to ear, and mouth to
corresponding tube). Quite right. I agree with the verdict of the Jury,
and sentence the Prisoner at the Bar to seven years' penal servitude.
( With Q. B. D. No. 4 laid on. ) After carefully considering all the
evidence that has been submitted to the Jury, and giving due weight to
the fact that the Defendant's vehicle was admittedly on the wrong side
of the road, I have no hesitation in declaring £100 damages a just
award. ( Dropping tube, and taking up apparatus of Q. B. D. No. 5,
sitting as Divisional Court. ) I entirely concur in the judgment my
learned Brother has just delivered. ( Dropping tube, and addressing
Litigants before him ). Well, and now you two gentlemen how are you
getting on? Litigants (together). Oh, please, my Lord, we have made it up. His Lordship. Ah! I see; you have had no lawyers to advise you. Well,
now that that matter is settled, the Court must stand adjourned until
to morrow, as I have business requiring my attention in Chambers. ( To
Usher). See that the telephones are switched on accordingly. [ Exeunt
omnes. There, my dear Mr. Punch , could not some such arrangement as that I
have shadowed forth above be reached during the present Vacation? The
situation is really serious. Entre nous , PORTINGTON (my excellent and
admirable clerk) has not made an entry in my fee book for more than a
fortnight on my word of honour, Sir, more than a fortnight! Yours truly, ( Signed ) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR. Pump handle Court, Temple, 5th of April, 1890. [Illustration: MAXIMS FOR THE BAR. No. IV. "Show no mercy to the Police; they have few Friends."] ROUTLEDGE'S Atlas of the World is not a short biography of Mr. EDMUND
YATES, but a pocketable (if you've got the opportunity) volume, with
sixteen coloured maps. It is pleasant to see that, though the Atlas
bears the imprimatur of ROUTLEDGE, the name of AYR is not effaced from
the Map of Scotland. True that Ayrshire is coloured green, but Ayr is
quite outside this, in fact it has got outside the coast line, and is
represented as being quite out at sea. More in this than meets the eye... Continue reading book >>
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