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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, August 5th 1893   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOLUME 105, August 5th 1893

edited by Sir Francis Burnand

THE DIRECTOR'S VADE MECUM.

Question. What is your duty as a Director?

Answer. To give my name to a prospectus.

Q. Is there any necessary formality before making this donation?

A. Yes; I am to accept a certain number of qualifying shares in the company obtaining the advantage of my directorial services.

Q. Need you pay for these shares?

A. With proper manipulation, certainly not.

Q. What other advantages would you secure by becoming a Director?

A. A guinea an attendance.

Q. Anything else?

A. A glass of sherry and a sandwich.

Q. What are your duties at a Board Meeting?

A. To shake hands with the Secretary, and to sign an attendance book.

Q. What are your nominal duties?

A. Have not the faintest idea.

Q. Would it be right to include in your nominal duties the protection of the interests of the shareholders?

A. As likely as not.

Q. Would it be overstating the case to say that thousands and thousands of needy persons are absolutely ruined by the selfish inattention of a company's direction?

A. Not at all possibly understating it.

Q. I suppose you never read a prospectus to which you put your name?

A. Never.

Q. Nor willingly wish to ruin any one?

A. No; why should I?

Q. You are guilty of gross ignorance and brutal indifference?

A. Quite so.

Q. And consequently know that, according to the view of the Judges, you are above the law?

A. That is so.

Q. And may therefore do what you like, without any danger to your own interests?

A. To be sure.

Q. And consequently will do what you best please, in spite of anything, and anybody?

A. Why, certainly.

[Illustration: DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.

Stern Parent. "NO WONDER YOU LOOK SO SEEDY AND FIT FOR NOTHING. I HEAR YOU CAME HOME SO VERY LATE LAST NIGHT!"

Youth (who is having his fling). "BEG YOUR PARDON, DAD, I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT. I CAME HOME VERY EARLY!"]

At a meeting of the International Maritime Congress "M. GATTO read a paper on Harbour Lights." Does this mean that one of the Adelphoi GATTI read the paper (extract from the play, or perhaps a play bill) on Harbour Lights , which was an Adelphi success? Of course one of "the GATTI'S" would be in the singular "M. GATTO." The paper was much applauded, and GATTO prends le gâteau .

FROM SPIRIT LAND. The Spirits or Spooks from the vasty deep that can be called and will come when Stead ily and persistently summoned will not be the first to speak. The "Spooks" well bred rule of politeness is, "Don't spook till you're spooken to." Also, "A good Spook must be seen and not heard."

MUSIC FOR THE MULTITUDE;

OR, BELMONT ON THE EMBANKMENT.

A Morality (adapted from the "Merchant of Venice") for Men in Municipal Authority.

["The music on the Embankment during the pressman's dinner hour is a much more important matter than it seems to be. It would be a most beneficial institution for all indoor labourers; for it is not the long hours of labour though they are bad enough so much as its monotony that makes it so wearisome." Mr. James Payn in "Our Note Book." ]

Lorenzo A Journeyman Printer. Jessica His "Young Woman."

SCENE The Thames Embankment Garden.

Lorenzo. Sweetheart, let's in; they may expect our coming. And yet no matter: why should we go in? The Toffs at last, have had compassion on us, Within the house, or office, mewed too long, And bring our music forth into the air.

[ They take a seat.

How bright the sunshine gleams on this Embankment! Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music Creep in our ears: soft green and Summer sunlight Become the touches of sweet harmony. Sit, JESSICA: look, how this green town garden Is thickly crowded with the young and old: There's not the smallest child which thou behold'st But by his movements shows his young heart sings, As though poor kids were young eye'd cherubim: Such love of music lives in simple souls; But whilst grim pedants and fanatics sour Have power to stop, they will not let us hear it!

[ Musicians tune up... Continue reading book >>


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