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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-03-31   By:

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 158.

March 31, 1920.

CHARIVARIA.

We were glad to see that two of our most important Universities were again successful in obtaining first and second places in this year's boat race. (As this was written before the race we crave the indulgence of our readers if our prophecy should prove incorrect.)

Bradford Corporation is selling white collars to its citizens at sixpence a piece. How the Labour Party proposes to combat this subtle form of capitalist propaganda is not known.

"I have been knocked down twice by the same bus, but fortunately have sustained no serious injury," stated a plaintiff at a London police court the other day. The bus in question, we understand, will be given one more try, and in the event of failure will be debarred from all further contests of the same nature.

"Quite a lot of American bacon is being smoked in London," says a news item. We are glad they have found a use for it, but at the risk of appearing fastidious we must say we much prefer Havannah tobacco.

The Variety Artists' Federation has passed a resolution against the engagement of Germans in the profession. With yet another avenue of industry closed against him General LUDENDORFF is said to be contemplating a dignified retirement.

"Should uglier husbands have heavier damages?" was a question raised in a recent divorce action. The better opinion is that the fact that the ugly man must have gone out of his way to get married should tell against him.

Signs of Spring are everywhere. A couple of telephone mechanics have made their nest on the roof of a house in West Kensington.

At Question Time in the House there was trouble over the pronunciation of Bryngwran and Gwalchmai. One of the Welsh Members present said he could have played them if he had had his harp with him.

Saturday afternoon funerals have been stopped at Bexhill. We are very pleased to note this, because if there is one thing which mars the enjoyment of the week end it is being buried.

The Hon. JOHN COLLIER will shortly explain why he painted the famous picture, "The Fallen Idol." If only some of our minor artists would be equally frank.

A weekly paper is offering a prize to anybody who discovers the oldest living fish. It is just as well that no prize is offered for the oldest dead fish.

"Large dumps of valuable material which is slowly rotting are to be met all along the main road in Northern France to day," complains a morning paper. A responsible Government official now admits that whilst motoring in that district last week he noticed that the road was bumpy in places.

There is some talk of the Americans having a League of Notions of their own.

M. CHARLES NORDMANN states that the world will end in ten thousand million years. It will be interesting to see if America will refuse to take part in this as well.

Our horticultural expert informs us that during the next two or three weeks all wooden houses should be carefully pruned.

The rumour that Mr. MALLABY DEELEY, M.P., will be asked to design a new uniform for the Royal Air Force is without foundation.

It is feared that, owing to the sudden appearance of Summer weather last week, the POET LAUREATE will once again be obliged to hold over his Spring poem.

It seems a pity that eight of the nine bricklayers who entered for the recent brick laying contest should have collapsed, allowing the ninth an easy walk over with seven bricks to his credit.

Statistics show a remarkable increase in the Welsh birthrate as compared with previous years. As usual, nothing is being done about it.

There are several ways, says Sir JAMES MACKENZIE, the eminent specialist, of tracing heart weakness. One way is to charge the owner of the heart seven and six for a pound of butter... Continue reading book >>


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