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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, June 18, 1892 By: Various |
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VOL. 102 June 18, 1892 THE COURIER OF THE HAGUE. ( BY THE "VACUUS VIATOR." ) He is an elderly amiable little Dutchman in a soft felt hat; his name
is BOSCH, and he is taking me about. Why I engaged him I don't quite
know unless from a general sense of helplessness in Holland, and
a craving for any kind of companionship. Now I have got him, I feel
rather more helpless than ever a sort of composite of Sandford
and Merton , with a didactic, but frequently incomprehensible Dutch
Barlow . My Sandford half would like to exhibit an intelligent
curiosity, but is generally suppressed by Merton , who has a morbid
horror of useful information. Not that BOSCH is remarkably erudite,
but nevertheless he contrives to reduce me to a state of imbecility,
which I catch myself noting with a pained surprise. There is a statue
in the Plein, and the Sandford element in me finds a satisfaction in
recognising it aloud as WILLIAM the Silent. It is but, as my Merton
part thinks, a fellow would be a fool if he didn't recognise WILLIAM
after a few hours in Holland his images, in one form or another,
are tolerably numerous. Still, BOSCH is gratified. "Yass, dot is
ole VOLLIAM," he says, approvingly, as to a precocious infant just
beginning to take notice. "Lokeer," he says, "you see dot Apoteek?" He
indicates a chemist's shop opposite, with nothing remarkable about it
externally, except a Turk's head with his tongue out over the door.
"Yes, I, speaking for Sandford and Merton , see it has it some
historical interest did VOLLIAM get medicine there, or what?" "Woll,
dis mornin dare vas two sairvans dere, and de von cot two blaces out
of de odder's haid, and afderwarts he go opstairs and vas hang himself
mit a pedbost," BOSCH evidently rather proud of this as illustrating
the liveliness of The Hague. "Was he mad?" "Yass, he vas mard, mit
a vife and seeks childrens." "No, but was he out of his senses?" "I
tink it vas oud of Omsterdam he vas com," says BOSCH. "But how did
it happen?" "Wol sare, de broprietor vas die, and leaf de successor
de pusiness, and he dells him in von mons he will go, begause he
nod egsamin to be a Chimigal so he do it, and dey dake him to de
hosbital, and I tink he vas die too by now!" adds BOSCH, cheerfully.
Very sad affair evidently but a little complicated. Sandford would
like to get to the bottom of it, but Merton convinced there is no
bottom. So, between us, subject allowed to drop. Sandford (now
in the ascendant again) notices, as the clever boy, inscription on
house front, "Hier woonden GROEN VAN PRINSTERER, 1838 76." "I suppose
that means VAN PRINSTERER lived here, BOSCH?" "Yass, dot vas it." "And
who was he?" "He vas wol, he vos a Member of de Barliaments." "Was
he celebrated?" "Celebrated? oh, yass!" "What did he do ?" (I think
Merton gets this in.) "Do?" says BOSCH, quite indignantly, "he nefer
do nodings !" BOSCH takes me into the Fishmarket, when he directs my
attention to a couple of very sooty live storks, who are pecking about
at the refuse. "Dose birts are shtorks; hier dey vas oblige to keep
alvays two shtorks for de arms of de Haag. Ven de yong shtorks porn,
de old vons vas kill." Sandford shocked Merton sceptical. "Keel
dem? Oh, yass, do anytings mit dem ven dey vas old," says BOSCH,
and adds: "Ve haf de breference mit de shtorks, eh?" What is he
driving at? "Yass ven ve vas old, ve vas nod kill." This reminds
BOSCH Barlow like of an anecdote. "Dere vas a vrent to me," he
begins, "he com and say to me, 'BOSCH, I am god so shtout and my bark
is so dick, I can go no more on my lacks vat vas I do?' To him I say,
'Wol, I dell you vat I do mit you I dake you at de booshair to be cot
op; I tink you vas make vary goot shdeak meat!'" Wonder whether this
is a typical sample of BOSCH's badinage . "What did he say to that,
BOSCH?" "Oh, he vas vair moch loff, a course!" says BOSCH, with the
natural complacency of a successful humorist... Continue reading book >>
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