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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, Jan. 2, 1892 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 102. January 2, 1892.
[Illustration] [Illustration: The Duke of Devonshire.] BORN, APRIL 27TH, 1808. DIED, DECEMBER 21ST, 1891. Learned, large hearted, liberal Lord of Land,
As clear of head as generous of hand,
He lived his honourable length of days,
A "Duke" whom doughtiest Democrat might praise.
"Leader" in truth, though not with gifts of tongue,
Full many a "Friend of Man" the muse has sung
Unworthier than patrician CAVENDISH.
Seeing him pass who may forbear the wish,
Would more were like him! Then the proud command,
" Noblesse oblige " e'en Mobs might understand! AFTER DINNER AT THE CLOSE OF THE YEAR. SCENE A Private Room in a well known Dining Hotel. Eminent
Politicians discussing "shop" over their walnuts before
dispersing for the Christmas holidays. First Eminent Politician . I say that recent speech of yours at
Skegness was a little strong. Preferring the Navy to the Army!
Although the Army is of course the "Best possible Army," and all that!
Eh? I say it was a little too thick! Second Em. Pol. ( quickly ). Not a bit of it! You don't know how
well we are getting on at Pall Mall. I give you my word everything's
first rate. Department working splendidly. You can't say that at
Whitehall and Somerset House? First Em. Pol. ( warmly ). Not say it! We do! Everything's most
satisfactory. Discipline splendid. Never had such a fine Fleet. And
the fireworks we had at the Royal Naval Exhibition all through the
Summer! Well you ought to have seen them! [Illustration] Second Em. Pol. ( carelessly ). Yes, I daresay. But what have
fireworks got to do with the Navy? First Em. Pol. Why they increased our recruiting awfully. Fellows
went to the Royal Naval Exhibition and saw all sorts of good
things, automatic weighing machine, a fishing smack, and Nelson
wax works and and that kind of thing you know, and joined the Navy!
Precious good thing for the Service, I can tell you. Second Em. Pol. Well, to go back to an old story you can't defend
the bullying on board The Britannia . First Em. Pol. Oh, that's all bosh. Those newspaper fellows got
hold of it for the Silly Season and ran it to death, but it's the best
possible place in the world. No end of good training for a fellow to
command other fellows. Second Em. Pol. Well, they were down upon you pretty smartly. First Em. Pol. ( airily ). May be. But it's because they didn't know
what they were writing about. How can a fellow become a good naval
officer unless he has been robbed of his pocket money, and taught how
to lie for his seniors. Thing's too ridiculous! Hallo, JIMMY, they
tell me things are in a dreadful mess at St. Martin's le Grand! Third Em. Pol. ( promptly ). Then they tell you wrong. Never saw
anything like it most perfect organisation in the world! Absolutely
marvellous, Sir absolutely marvellous! And the clerks so civil and
obliging. Everybody pleased with them. Second Em. Pol. Come, that won't do. Your statement is as hard to
digest as too previous turkey and premature plum pudding. The papers
are full of complaints all through the Autumn, and have only stopped
recently to make room for those descriptive and special law reports.
You will have them again, now Term is over. Third Em. Pol. Who cares for the papers? I tell you we are
absolutely inundated with letters of thanks from Dukes and Duchesses
upwards. No; if you had said that the Colonies were in a mess, why
then Fourth Em. Pol. ( angrily ). What are you talking about? Why, we
are absolutely romping in! Never knew the Colonies so prosperous as
they are now! And we have had to put on half a dozen extra clerks to
open and answer the letters of congratulation we receive hour by hour
from every part of the Empire. Why, everything's splendid absolutely
splendid! Second Em. Pol. Well, matters have decidedly mended since
transportation was prohibited... Continue reading book >>
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