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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, July 15th 1893 By: Various |
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VOLUME 105, JULY 15TH 1893 edited by Sir Francis Burnand
AN AFTERNOON PARTY. ... "The room is full of celebrities. Do you see that tall woman in
black, talking to the little old lady? That is Mrs. ARBUTHNOT a
woman of some importance and the other is CHARLEY'S Aunt. The
sporting looking young man is Captain CODDINGTON, who is 'in town' for
the season." "And who are the two men, exactly alike, tall and dark, who are
smoking gold tipped cigarettes, and talking epigrams?" I asked. I like
to know who people are, and the person in the silver domino seemed
well informed. "Those are Lord ILLINGWORTH, and Lord HENRY WOTTON. They always say
exactly the same things. They are awfully clever, and cynical. Those
two ladies talking together are known as NORA and DORA. There's rather
a curious story about each of them." "There seems to be one about everyone here," I said. "Well, it seems that NORA and her husband did not get on very well.
He thought skirt dancing morbid. Also, he forgave her for forging
his name in type writing to a letter refusing to subscribe to a
wedding present for Princess MAY. She said a man who would forgive a
thing like that would forgive anything. So she left the Dolls' House." "Quite right. Is that not the Comtesse ZICKA? I seem to recognise the
scent." "It is and the beautiful Italian lady is Madame SANTUZZA. One
meets all sorts of people here, you know; by the way, there's Mrs.
TANQUERAY." "Princess SALOMÉ!" announced the servant. A little murmur of surprise
seemed to go round the room as the lovely Princess entered. "What has she got on?" asked PORTIA. "Oh, it's nothing," replied Mr. WALKER, London. "I thought she was not received in English society," said Lady
WINDERMERE, puritanically. "I can assure you, my dears, that she would not be tolerated in
Brazil, where the nuts come from," exclaimed CHARLEY'S Aunt. "There's no harm in her. She's only a little peculiar. She is
particularly fond of boar's head. It's nothing," said Mr. WALKER. "The uninvitable in pursuit of the indigestible," murmured Lord
ILLINGWORTH, as he lighted a cigarette. "Is that mayonnaise?'" asked the Princess SALOMÉ of Captain
CODDINGTON, who had taken her to the buffet. "I think it is
mayonnaise. I am sure it is mayonnaise. It is mayonnaise of salmon,
pink as a branch of coral which fishermen find in the twilight of
the sea, and which they keep for the King. It is pinker than the pink
roses that bloom in the Queen's garden. The pink roses that bloom in
the garden of the Queen of Arabia are not so pink." "Who's the jaded looking Anglo Indian, drinking brandy and soda?" I
asked. "That is a Plain young man. From the Hills. Which is curious. I am
much attached to him. By the way, I know who I am. And why I wear a
silver domino. You don't." "That's another story," I said. "Let's go to the smoking room.
We shall find the Eminent Person, the Ordinary Man, the Poet, the
Journalist, and the Mere Boy, and they will all say delightful things
on painful subjects." "Barry Paynful," suggested the Mere Boy, with his usual impossibility.
They were trying to "draw" Lord ILLINGWORTH. "What is a good woman?" asked the Journalist. "A woman who admires bad men," answered Lord ILLINGWORTH. "What is a bad man?" "A man who smokes gold tipped cigarettes." "Which would you rather, or go fishing?" inquired the Mere Boy,
irreverently. "Because it's a jar, of course. There are two kinds of women, the
plain and the coloured. But all art is quite useless." "I say!" exclaimed Lord HENRY, taking from his friend's pocket a
gold match box, curiously carved, and wrought with his initials in
chrysoprases and peridots. "I say, you know, ILLINGWORTH come that's
mine. I said it to DORIAN only the other evening. You're always saying
my things." "Well, what then? It is only the obvious and the tedious who object to
quotations. When a man says life has exhausted him " "We know that he has exhausted life." "Women are secrets, not sphinxes... Continue reading book >>
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