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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, August 8, 1891 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 101. August 8, 1891.
LARKS FOR LONDONERS. Sir, Certainly throw open all our Town Halls for gratuitous concerts
and dances! But that's not half enough. Some of us don't care for
dancing, and abhor music. What I propose is that Free Billiard tables
should be established in each parish. Billiards is much better
exercise than sitting still on a chair listening to singing. Then
there ought to be places where one could get municipal tobacco
without paying for it. Tobacco is just as much a necessary of life
as education more so, in fact, in my opinion. On winter evenings it
would also be nice to be able to step over to one's Town Hall and have
a glass or two of free ale, or "wine from the wood" also from the
rates. I don't pay rates myself, as I happen to live in a flat, but
I am sure the ratepayers will immediately recognise the justice of my
demands. UNBIASSED. Sir, By all means let us try to give more pleasure to the people. The
pleasure, however, should be of a distinctly elevating kind. I would
advocate throwing open the South Kensington Natural History Museum in
the evening. This would be most useful, especially to people living
at the East End, and the amusement thus afforded, though perhaps not
rollicking, would at all events be solid. To keep out undesirable
characters, it would be as well to admit nobody who could not produce
his baptismal certificate, and a recommendation from the clergyman
of his parish, countersigned by a resident J.P. I am sure that people
would jump at a chance of an evening among the Coleoptera . Yours, NATURALIST. Sir, I cannot understand why people should ask for more amusement
than they get at present. Have not they the Parks to walk about in? In
wet weather they can take shelter under trees. In winter they ought
to stay at home in the evenings, and enjoy reading aloud to their
families. I would even go so far as to allow an occasional game at
draughts. Chess is too exciting, and of course backgammon is out of
the question, because of the deadly dice box. For the frivolously
inclined, "Puss in the Corner" is a harmless indoor game. I throw out
these observations for what they may be worth, and trusting that they
will not be regarded as dangerously subversive of morality, I remain, Yours grimly, HOME, SWEET HOME! Sir, The movement for turning our Town Halls into places of amusement
is an excellent one. What I would like to suggest is, that the
Vestrymen should themselves take part in the entertainments. Why not
have weekly theatrical performances, with parts found for all local
Authorities? I feel convinced that Hamlet , played by our Vestry,
would be worth going miles to see. The Dust Contractor could play
the Ghost , while minor characters could be sustained by the Medical
Officer of Health, the Chaplain of the Workhouse, and others; the
Chairman, of course, would figure in the title rôle . A topical comic
song, by the Board of Guardians, with breakdown, might serve as a
pleasing interlude; breakdowns in local matters are, I believe, not
unknown already. The idea is worth considering. I think the Vestrymen
owe something to the ratepayers in return for the votes we give them. Yours, MERRY ANDREW. BRUISERS AND BOLUSES. A "Champion" pugilist is even more presumptuous
than a popular Pill. He claims to be "Worth a Thousand Guineas a
'Box.'" AFTER THE SEASON. A PROPOSAL FIN DE SIÈCLE. [Illustration] Farewell! since the Season is over,
Ah me, but its moments were sweet!
You are oft', viâ Folkestone or Dover,
To some Continental retreat.
On Frenchman and German you'll lavish
The smiles that can madden me still;
While I, with the gillie McTavish,
Am breasting the heather clad hill. Oh, do you remember the dances,
The dearest were those we sat out,
How I frowned when detecting your glances
On others, which caused you to pout?
You are changeful and coy and capricious,
A weathercock easily blown;
But when shall I hear the delicious
One word that proclaims you my own? They say that an eloquent passion
Has long become quite out of date,
That true love is never the fashion,
And marriage a wearisome state... Continue reading book >>
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