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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, October 2, 1841 By: Various |
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VOL. 1. FOR THE WEEK ENDING OCTOBER 2, 1841.
THE TIPTOES. A SKETCH. "The Wrongheads have been a considerable family ever since England
was England." VANBRUGH. [Illustration: M]Morning and evening, from every village within three or
four miles of the metropolis, may be remarked a tide of young men wending
diurnal way to and from their respective desks and counters in the city,
preceded by a ripple of errand boys, and light porters, and followed by an
ebb of plethoric elderly gentlemen in drab gaiters. Now these individuals
compose for the most part that particular, yet indefinite class of
people, who call themselves "gentlemen," and are called by everybody else
"persons." They are a body the advanced guard of the "Tiptoes;" an army
which invaded us some thirty years ago, and which, since that time, has
been actively and perseveringly spoiling and desolating our modest, quiet,
comfortable English homes, turning our parlours into "boudoirs," ripping
our fragrant patches of roses into fantastic "parterres," covering our
centre tables with albums and wax flowers, and, in short (for these
details pain us), stripping our nooks and corners of the welcome warm air
of pleasant homeliness, which was wont to be a charm and a privilege, to
substitute for it a chilly gloss an unwholesome straining after effect a
something less definite in its operation than in its result, which is
called gentility. To have done with simile. Our matrons have discovered that luxury is
specifically cheaper than comfort (and they regard them as independent, if
not incompatible terms); and more than this, that comfort is, after all,
but an irrelevant and dispensable corollary to gentility, while luxury is
its main prop and stay. Furthermore, that improvidence is a virtue of such
lustre, that itself or its likeness is essential to the very existence of
respectability; and, by carrying out this proposition, that in order to
make the least amount of extravagance produce the utmost admiration and
envy, it is desirable to be improvident as publicly as possible; the means
for such expenditure being gleaned from retrenchments in the home
department. Thus, by a system of domestic alchemy, the education of the
children is resolved into a vehicle; a couple of maids are amalgamated
into a man in livery; while to a single drudge, superintended and aided by
the mistress and elder girls, is confided the economy of the pantry, from
whose meagre shelves are supplied supplementary blondes and kalydors. Now a system of economy which can induce a mother to "bring up her
children at home," while she regards a phaeton as absolutely necessary to
convey her to church and to her tradespeople, and an annual visit to the
sea side as perfectly indispensable to restore the faded complexions of
Frances and Jemima, ruined by late hours and hot cream, may be considered
open to censure by the philosopher who places women (and girls, i.e.
unmarried women) in the rank of responsible or even rational creatures.
But in this disposition he would be clearly wrong. Before venturing to
define the precise capacity of either an individual or a class, their own
opinion on the subject should assuredly be consulted; and we are quite
sure that there is not one of the lady Tiptoes who would not recoil with
horror from the suspicion of advancing or even of entertaining an idea it
having been ascertained that everything original (sin and all) is quite
inconformable with the feminine character unless indeed it be a method of
finding the third side of a turned silk or of defining that zero of
fortune, to stand below which constitutes a "detrimental." The Misses Tiptoe are an indefinite number of young ladies, of whom it is
commonly remarked that some may have been pretty, and others may,
hereafter, be pretty. But they never are so; and, consequently, they are
very fearful of being eclipsed by their dependents, and take care to
engage only ill favoured governesses, and (but 'tis an old pun) very plain
cooks... Continue reading book >>
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Essay/Short nonfiction |
Non-fiction |
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