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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 158, March 17, 1920   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOL. 158

MARCH 17, 1920

CHARIVARIA.

PRINCE ALBERT JOACHIM, it appears, did not take part in the attack on a French officer at the Hotel Adlon, but only gave the signal. Always the little Hohenzollern!

It seems that at the last moment Mr. C. B. COCHRAN broke off negotiations for the exclusive right to organise the CARPENTIER wedding.

"Will Scotland go dry?" asks The Daily Express . Not on purpose, we imagine.

A new method of stopping an omnibus by a foot lever has been patented. This is much better than the old plan of shaking one's umbrella at them.

Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, we read, makes a study of handwriting. The only objection that The Times has to this habit is that he positively refuses to notice the writing on the wall.

It is rumoured that the Government will construct an experimental tunnel between England and the United States in order (1) to cement Anglo American friendship, and (2) to ascertain if the Channel Tunnel is practicable.

Dr. C.W. COLBY, head of the Department of History, has taken Sir AUCLAND GEDDES' place as Principal of McGill University. The report that Sir AUCKLAND will reciprocate by taking a place in history awaits confirmation.

"It is quite usual nowadays," a well known auctioneer states, "for mill hands to keep a few orchids." We understand that by way of a counter stroke a number of noblemen are threatening to go in for runner ducks.

A Rotherham couple who have just celebrated their diamond wedding have never tasted medicine. We ourselves have always maintained that the taste is an acquired one.

A Greenland falcon has been shot in the Orkneys. The view is widely taken that the wretched bird, which must have known it wasn't in Greenland, brought the trouble on itself.

An alleged anarchist arrested in Munich was identified as a poet and found Not Guilty not guilty, that is to say, of being an anarchist.

With reference to the pending retirement of Mr. ROBERT SMILLIE from the Presidency of the Miners' Federation, it appears that there is talk of arranging a farewell strike.

The Berlin Vorwaerts states that ex Emperor CARL has been discovered in Hungary under an assumed name. The Hungarian authorities say that unless he is claimed within three days he will be sold to defray expenses.

We understand that Mr. Justice DARLING'S weekly denial of the reports of his retirement will in future be issued on Tuesdays, instead of Wednesdays, as hitherto.

When hit by a bullet a tiger roars until dead, says a weekly paper, but a tigress dies quietly. Nervous people who suffer from headaches should therefore only shoot tigresses.

Two out of ten houses being built at Guildford are now complete. Builders in other parts of the country are asking who gave the word "Go."

"Marvellous to relate," says a Sunday paper, "a horse has just died at Ingatestone at the age of thirty six." Surely it is more marvellous that it did not die before.

It is said that the Paris Peace Conference cost two million pounds. The latest suggestion is that, before the next war starts, tenders for a Peace Conference shall be asked for and the lowest estimate accepted.

A Walsall carter has summoned a fellow worker because during a quarrel he stepped on his face. It was not so much that he had stepped on his face, we understand, as the fact that he had loitered about on it.

A painful mistake is reported from North London. It appears that a young lady who went to a fancy dress ball as "The Silent Wife" was awarded the first prize for her clever impersonation of a telephone girl.

We are glad to learn that the thoughtless tradesman who, in spite of the notice, "Please ring the bell," deliberately knocked at the front door of a wooden house, has now had to pay the full cost of rebuilding... Continue reading book >>


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