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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-03-20   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 158.

March 10th, 1920.

CHARIVARIA.

There are one hundred thousand more people living in London than in New York. But they are only just living.

"The Home Rule Bill," says The Irish Unionist Alliance , "would, if put into operation, cause friction in Ireland." We are sorry to hear this, for friction is the last thing we want to see in Ireland.

M. GRABSKI, who has just asked for the loan of three thousand million francs, is the Polish Minister of Finance. Yet people say there is nothing in a name.

A Welsh Prohibition Bill is suggested. We think it should be pointed out that the Welsh language is natural and not due to over indulgence.

DEMPSEY, the American Boxer, is to be charged with "draft dodging." The other charge of COCHRAN dodging will not be proceeded with.

Gold in the mouth, says the American Academy of Dental Science, is out of date. Much the same applies to gold in the pocket.

We understand that an American syndicate has been formed for the purpose of acquiring the sole rights in a suit of clothes by a London tailor.

American whisky is said to create in consumers a desire to climb trees. British whisky, on the other hand, seems to create in the Americans a desire to cross the Atlantic.

With reference to the road mender who fell down last week and injured himself an explanation has now been given. It appears that the colleague next to him must have moved.

No fewer than twenty seven poems on Spring have been received by one weekly paper editor. Yet there are people who still maintain that the crime wave is on the wane.

"The Irish swear by two staple beverages," says The Daily Mail . We feel, however, that an Irishman who was really trying could swear by more than this.

We understand that the Foreign Office takes a serious view of the large number of public houses which have been burgled during the last few weeks. It is feared that it may be the work of a foreign spy who is endeavouring to secure the recipe of British Government ale.

"A large number of army tanks have been sent to Africa," announces an article in a daily paper. However, as the brontosaurus is supposed to devour four of these delicacies at every meal, it is feared that unless a great many more are sent out immediately this dainty animal may be faced with extermination.

A morning paper announces that all airships of "R 34" type are now obsolete. We have decided to stick a pin in each of ours.

From Ireland comes the pleasing news that the wife of a well known Sinn Feiner has just presented her husband with a little bomberette.

Since the publication of Professor KEITH'S statistics of efficiency, showing the superiority of the physical condition of miners over that of almost every other class of worker, the argument, so popular with the advocates of nationalisation, that a miner's occupation is a most unhealthy one, has been given a rest.

"I doubt if even the youngest child to day will live to see the real fruits of the War," said the Bishop of Lincoln last week. Another unmerited slight on the O.B.E.

"Visitors to the Zoo," says The Daily Mail , "should not miss the rare spectacle of the highest five animals under one roof the gorilla, the chimpanzee, the orang outang, the gibbon and man." Naturally everybody is asking, "Who is the lucky man?"

A merciless campaign against rats is to be waged by the inhabitants of a large Yorkshire town. This is supposed to be the outcome of the continued indifference with which these rodents have treated the many propaganda campaigns which the town has organised.

Liverpool City Council is to consider the appointment of women park keepers. In support it is urged that when it comes to persuading a paper bag to go along quietly the superior tact of a woman is bound to tell.

Arrangements for the continuation of the Food Ministry, it is stated, are still incomplete... Continue reading book >>


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