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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-01-14   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOL. 158

JANUARY 14TH, 1920

CHARIVARIA.

The Premier, says a contemporary, has become greatly attached to a white terrier puppy that he brought with him from Colwyn Bay. The report that it has been taught to run after its own tail by Mr. LLOYD GEORGE himself is probably the work of malice.

Our heart goes out to the tenant of an experimental wooden house who is advertising for the assistance of the man who successfully held up a post office in London about a fortnight ago.

A London carman is said to have summoned his neighbour for calling him an O.B.E. We are sure he could not have meant it.

"The most hygienic dress for all boys is the Scots kilt," says a correspondent of The Daily Mail . "My own boys wear nothing else." We are glad to see that the obsolete Highland Practice of muffling the ears in a cairngorm has been definitely discarded.

According to a contemporary a new form of road surface material, which is not injurious to fish, has been produced by the South Metropolitan Gas Company. The utilisation of some of the deeper cavities in our highways for the purpose of food production has long been a favourite theme of ours.

"Having a tooth drawn," says a writer in Health Hints , "has its advantages." It certainly tends to keep one's mind off the Coalition.

Two men have been charged at Sutton with selling water for whisky. People are now asking the exact date when this was first made an offence.

At the present time a missionary costs twice as much as before the War, says the Rev. W.J. FULLERTON. Many a cassowary has been complaining bitterly of the high cost of this comestible.

A new tango will be danced for the first time on January 15th, says The Daily Express . For ourselves we shall try to go about our business just as if nothing really serious had happened.

Asked by the magistrate if her husband had threatened her, a Stratford woman replied, "No; he only said he would kill me." Almost any little thing seems to irritate some people.

It appears that, after reading various references about his trial in the London papers, the ex Kaiser was heard to say that if we were not very careful he would wash his hands of the whole business.

There is a lot of wishy washy talk about the Bolshevists, says a Labour paper. Wishy, perhaps, but from what we see of their pictures in the papers, not washy.

"Supplies of string for letter mail bags," says The Post Office Circular , "will in future be 19 inches in length, instead of 18 inches." It is the ability to think out things like this that has made us the nation we are to day.

Offers are invited in a contemporary for a large quantity of tiger skins. People should first make sure that the rest of the tiger has been properly removed before purchasing.

The composer of an American ragtime song is to have a statue erected to him in New York. It is hoped that this warning will have the desired effect on any composers in this country who may be tempted to commit a similar error.

We understand that, after several weeks of careful investigation into details, the special Committee appointed by the Government to deal with Germany's refusal to pay for her sunken fleet at Scapa have now recommended that no receipt should be given until the money is handed over.

"You will soon be able to get work," said the Kingston magistrate to a man summoned for income tax. This is the sort of thoughtless remark that tends to embitter the unemployed.

According to an evening paper, Granny LAMBERT, of Edmonton, proposed to the reporter who visited her on her one hundred and sixth birthday. As, however, she is experiencing some difficulty in obtaining the consent of her parents the affair may possibly fall through.

Much sympathy is felt for the scrum half who will be unable to assist his team this month on account of being severely crocked whilst helping his wife at the Winter sales... Continue reading book >>


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