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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, May 13, 1893 By: Various |
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VOLUME 104, MAY 13TH 1893 edited by Sir Francis Burnand MIXED NOTIONS. No. X. THE BEHRING SEA ARBITRATION.
( Scene and Persons as usual. The Conversation has already begun. ) First Well informed Man ( concluding a tirade ). so what I want
to know is this: are we or are we not to submit to the Yankees? It's
all very well talking about Chicago Exhibitions and all that, but if
they're going to capture our ships and prevent us killing seals, why,
the sooner we tell 'em to go to blue blazes the better. And as for its
being a mare clausum [Illustration] Inquirer ( interrupting ). Who was she? What's she got to do with
it? First W. I. M. ( laughing vigorously ). Ha! ha! that's a good 'un. Inquirer ( nettled ). Oh, laugh away, laugh away. That's you all
over. First W. I. M. My dear chap, I'm very sorry, but I really couldn't
help it. There's no woman in the business at all. Mare clausum
merely means the place where they catch the seals, you know; mare ,
Latin for sea. Inquirer. Oh! I should have known that directly, if you'd only
pronounced it properly. But what does clausum mean? First W. I. M. Well, of course, that means well, a clause, don't
you know. It's in the treaty. Average Man ( looking up from his paper ). It used to be the Latin
for "closed," but I suppose it's altered now. First W. I. M. ( incredulously ). It can't mean that, anyhow. Who
ever heard of a closed sea, I should like to know? Second W. I. M. ( hazarding a suggestion ). It might mean a
harbour, you know, or something of that sort. Average Man. I daresay it might mean that, but it doesn't happen
to be a harbour ( relapses into paper ). Second W. I. M. Oh, well, I only made the suggestion. [ A pause. Inquirer. But what are they arbitrating about in Paris? It says
( reading from newspaper ) "When Mr. CARTER, the United States
Counsel, had concluded his speech, he was complimented by the
President, the Baron DE COURCEL, who told him he had spoken on
behalf of humanity." I thought old CARNOT was President of the French
Republic. First W. I. M. So he is. Inquirer . But this paper says Baron DE COURCEL is President. Second W. I. M. Oh, I suppose that's one of CARNOT's titles, All
these blessed foreigners are Barons, or something of that sort. Inquirer. Ah, I suppose that must be it. But what have the French
got to do with the Behring Sea? I thought it was all between us and
the Yankees. First W. I. M. So it is but the French are arbitrating. That's how
they come into the business. I can't say, personally, I like these
arbitrations. We're always arbitrating now, and giving everything
away. If we think we're right, why can't we say so, and stick to it,
and let the French, and the Yankees, and the Russians, and all the
rest of 'em, take it from us, if they can? Second W. I. M. Take what from us? First W. I. M. Why, whatever it happens to be, the Behring Sea, or
anything else. We're so deuced afraid of everybody now, we never
show fight; it's perfectly sickening. But of course you can't expect
anything else from old GLADSTONE. Second W. I. M. That's right shove it all on to old GLADSTONE.
But you're wrong this time. It was JO CHAMBERLAIN, one of your
own blessed Unionists, that you're so proud of, who arranged this
arbitration. First W. I. M. I know that, my dear boy; but CHAMBERLAIN was a
Radical then; so where are you now? [ A pause. Inquirer ( who has continued his reading, suddenly, with a puzzled
air ). I say, you know, this is too much of a good thing, bringing
the Russians into the business. It says ( reads ) "documents were
submitted, on behalf of the United States, to prove that Russia had
never abandoned her sovereign rights in the manner suggested by Great
Britain." How, on earth, does Russia manage to crop up everywhere? And
where is this confounded Behring Sea? Second W. I. M. ( vaguely ). It's somewhere in America, or
Newfoundland, or thereabouts... Continue reading book >>
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