Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, April 25, 1891   By: Various

VOL. 100.

April 25th, 1891.

MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN.

( Condensed and Revised Version by Mr P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite. )

No. III. HEDDA GABLER.

ACT I.

SCENE A Sitting room cheerfully decorated in dark colours. Broad doorway, hung with black crape, in the wall at back, leading to a back Drawing room, in which, above a sofa in black horsehair, hangs a posthumous portrait of the late General GABLER. On the piano is a handsome pall. Through the glass panes of the back Drawing room window are seen a dead wall and a cemetery. Settees, sofas, chairs, &c., handsomely upholstered in black bombazine, and studded with small round nails. Bouquets of immortelles and dead grasses are lying everywhere about.

Enter Aunt JULIE ( a good natured looking lady in a smart hat ).

Aunt J. Well, I declare, if I believe GEORGE or HEDDA are up yet! ( Enter GEORGE TESMAN, humming, stout, careless, spectacled. ) Ah, my dear boy, I have called before breakfast to inquire how you and HEDDA are after returning late last night from your long honeymoon. Oh, dear me, yes; am I not your old Aunt, and are not these attentions usual in Norway?

George. Good Lord, yes! My six months' honeymoon has been quite a little travelling scholarship, eh? I have been examining archives. Think of that ! Look here, I'm going to write a book all about the domestic interests of the Cave dwellers during the Deluge. I'm a clever young Norwegian man of letters, eh?

Aunt J. Fancy your knowing about that too! Now, dear me, thank Heaven!

George. Let me, as a dutiful Norwegian nephew, untie that smart, showy hat of yours. ( Unties it, and pats her under the chin. ) Well, to be sure, you have got yourself really up, fancy that! [ He puts hat on chair close to table.

Aunt J. ( giggling ). It was for HEDDA'S sake to go out walking with her in. (HEDDA approaches from the back room; she is pallid, with cold, open, steel grey eyes; her hair is not very thick, but what there is of it is an agreeable medium brown. ) Ah, dear HEDDA! [ She attempts to cuddle her.

Hedda ( shrinking back ). Ugh, let me go, do! ( Looking at Aunt JULIE'S hat. ) TESMAN, you must really tell the housemaid not to leave her old hat about on the drawing room chairs. Oh, is it your hat? Sorry I spoke, I'm sure!

Aunt J. ( annoyed ). Good gracious, little Mrs. HEDDA; my nice new hat that I bought to go out walking with you in!

George ( patting her on the back ). Yes, HEDDA, she did, and the parasol too! Fancy, Aunt JULIE always positively thinks of everything, eh?

Hedda ( coldly ). You hold your tongue. Catch me going out walking with your aunt! One doesn't do such things.

George ( beaming ). Isn't she a charming woman? Such fascinating manners! My goodness, eh? Fancy that!

Aunt J. Ah, dear GEORGE, you ought indeed to be happy but ( brings out a flat package wrapped in newspaper ) look here , my dear boy!

George ( opens it ). What? my dear old morning shoes! my slippers! ( Breaks down. ) This is positively too touching, HEDDA, eh? Do you remember how badly I wanted them all the honeymoon? Come and just have a look at them you may !

Hedda. Bother your old slippers and your old aunt too! (Aunt JULIE goes out annoyed, followed by GEORGE, still thanking her warmly for the slippers ; HEDDA yawns ; GEORGE comes back and places his old slippers reverently on the table. ) Why, here comes Mrs. ELVSTED another early caller! She had irritating hair, and went about making a sensation with it an old flame of yours, I've heard.

Enter Mrs. ELVSTED; she is pretty and gentle, with copious wavy white gold hair and round prominent eyes, and the manner of a frightened rabbit.