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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, April 25, 1891 By: Various |
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VOL. 100. April 25th, 1891.
MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN. ( Condensed and Revised Version by Mr P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite. ) No. III. HEDDA GABLER. ACT I. SCENE A Sitting room cheerfully decorated in dark colours. Broad
doorway, hung with black crape, in the wall at back, leading to a back
Drawing room, in which, above a sofa in black horsehair, hangs a
posthumous portrait of the late General GABLER. On the piano is a
handsome pall. Through the glass panes of the back Drawing room window
are seen a dead wall and a cemetery. Settees, sofas, chairs, &c.,
handsomely upholstered in black bombazine, and studded with small round
nails. Bouquets of immortelles and dead grasses are lying everywhere
about. Enter Aunt JULIE ( a good natured looking lady in a smart hat ). Aunt J. Well, I declare, if I believe GEORGE or HEDDA are up yet!
( Enter GEORGE TESMAN, humming, stout, careless, spectacled. ) Ah, my
dear boy, I have called before breakfast to inquire how you and HEDDA are
after returning late last night from your long honeymoon. Oh, dear me, yes;
am I not your old Aunt, and are not these attentions usual in Norway? George. Good Lord, yes! My six months' honeymoon has been quite a little
travelling scholarship, eh? I have been examining archives. Think of
that ! Look here, I'm going to write a book all about the domestic
interests of the Cave dwellers during the Deluge. I'm a clever young
Norwegian man of letters, eh? Aunt J. Fancy your knowing about that too! Now, dear me, thank Heaven! George. Let me, as a dutiful Norwegian nephew, untie that smart, showy
hat of yours. ( Unties it, and pats her under the chin. ) Well, to be sure,
you have got yourself really up, fancy that! [ He puts hat on chair
close to table. Aunt J. ( giggling ). It was for HEDDA'S sake to go out walking with her
in. (HEDDA approaches from the back room; she is pallid, with cold, open,
steel grey eyes; her hair is not very thick, but what there is of it is an
agreeable medium brown. ) Ah, dear HEDDA! [ She attempts to cuddle
her. Hedda ( shrinking back ). Ugh, let me go, do! ( Looking at Aunt JULIE'S
hat. ) TESMAN, you must really tell the housemaid not to leave her old hat
about on the drawing room chairs. Oh, is it your hat? Sorry I spoke, I'm
sure! Aunt J. ( annoyed ). Good gracious, little Mrs. HEDDA; my nice new hat
that I bought to go out walking with you in! George ( patting her on the back ). Yes, HEDDA, she did, and the parasol
too! Fancy, Aunt JULIE always positively thinks of everything, eh? Hedda ( coldly ). You hold your tongue. Catch me going out walking with
your aunt! One doesn't do such things. George ( beaming ). Isn't she a charming woman? Such fascinating manners!
My goodness, eh? Fancy that! Aunt J. Ah, dear GEORGE, you ought indeed to be happy but ( brings out a
flat package wrapped in newspaper ) look here , my dear boy! George ( opens it ). What? my dear old morning shoes! my slippers!
( Breaks down. ) This is positively too touching, HEDDA, eh? Do you
remember how badly I wanted them all the honeymoon? Come and just have a
look at them you may ! Hedda. Bother your old slippers and your old aunt too! (Aunt JULIE goes
out annoyed, followed by GEORGE, still thanking her warmly for the
slippers ; HEDDA yawns ; GEORGE comes back and places his old slippers
reverently on the table. ) Why, here comes Mrs. ELVSTED another early
caller! She had irritating hair, and went about making a sensation with
it an old flame of yours, I've heard. Enter Mrs. ELVSTED; she is pretty and gentle, with copious wavy
white gold hair and round prominent eyes, and the manner of a frightened
rabbit. Mrs. E. ( nervous ). Oh, please, I'm so perfectly in despair. EJLERT
LÖVBORG, you know, who was our Tutor; he's written such a large new book. I
inspired him. Oh, I know I don't look like it but I did he told me so... Continue reading book >>
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