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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, September 3, 1892 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 103. September 3, 1892.
[Illustration: HAPPY THOUGHT. Obliging Country Butcher . "LET ME CUT IT INTO CUTLETS FOR YOU,
MA'AM, LEAVING JUST ENOUGH BONE FOR YOU TO HOLD 'EM BY, WHILE YOU'RE
EATING 'EM!"] NOT GOING AWAY FOR THE HOLIDAYS. Cookson Gaze, Q.C. Because MARIA votes Eastbourne vulgar, and the
girls (sorry now I sent them to that finishing school at Clapham)
laugh so consumedly whenever I open my mouth to address a native if we
go to Trouville or Dinard. C. Jumper . Because the Governor thinks three days in the year enough
for anybody. Eastend Dr. Because that fiver will just give little SALLY the
breath of sea air she wants, and she'll never make a good cure unless
she has it. Reg. Rake . Because wife says she shall certainly accompany me. Barmaid . Because I've just been ill for a fortnight from overwork,
and the Company say they can't give any more leave. Eastend Clergyman ( of any church. ) Because there are hundreds who
want it more than I do, and I must help them to get a change first. Major Hornblower . Because MACCRACSHOTT (the only man who has asked
me) was in the smoking room the night I was fool enough to tell that
Snipe and Rhinoceros Story of PEYTON's in the first person. Quiverful . Because there's another pair. EPITAPH ON AN OLD CRICKETER'S TOMBSTONE. "Out at 70." MUSICAL NOTES. Popping a Question. The Daily News , in its last week's "Music and
Musicians," informs us that "Mr. CHAPPELL has now definitely decided
that the season of Monday Popular Concerts shall this year commence
on a Tuesday." Sure then it must be Mister O'CHAPPELL, the CHAPPELL
by the hill side, who arranges to have his first "Monday Pop" on a
Tuesday? If he be going out shooting on his own native heath, his name
O'CHAPPELL, then there's no reason why he shouldn't have his first pop
on a Tuesday, only it couldn't be his Monday Pop, could it now? Or if
he drinks Mr. P.'s health in Pommery '80 ( grand vin! ), or let's
say Poppery '80, he could do so on a Tuesday, only it would no longer
be the "Monday Pop." That's all. Sure 'tis mighty confusing and upsets
the week entirely. If Tuesday is to have all the Pop, what's to become
of Monday? For further particulars inquire at the Pop shop, Bond
Street. The next great Musical Event is at the Gloucester Festival it is
Dr. HUBERT PARRY "on the Job." This, though the work of a thoroughly
English Composer, may yet be considered as an " Article de Parry ." "MARS IN OPPOSITION." "Mother says I mustn't." THIS PICTURE AND THAT. ( EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF A LOVER OF THE BEAUTIFUL. ) First Extract . Really an excellent notion to buy an estate, instead
of picking up what Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING calls a "smeared thing." Got
one, too, pretty cheap. Twenty miles from a railway station, but so
much the better. RUSKIN hates railway stations, and so do I. Never can
make them look picturesque. The Agent tells me my place is famous for
its sunsets; also good moonlight effects on occasions. Pretty village,
too, in the background. Altogether, most satisfactory. After all,
Nature is much better than Art. Second Extract . Dullerton on the Slush is a charming spot, but
it has its drawbacks. Pretty, but damp. Fog interferes a good deal
with the sunsets, and hides the moon at the wrong moment. Village
deliciously out of repair. But tenants unreasonable. Offered to put up
some red brick roofs for them, which would have looked charming, but
they insist upon having slates. Wish they would consent to having
a few cows in the fields, but they say they prefer pigstyes. Have
consulted a builder and a gardener, and they think that they could
"run up" a stye between them, and cover it over with shrubs. Tenants
object. They say the pigs would not like it, and might eat the shrubs
with fatal results... Continue reading book >>
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