Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, September 5, 1917   By: Various

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 153.

SEPTEMBER 5, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

The Kaiser has again visited the High Seas Fleet in security at Wilhelmshaven. Enthusiastic applause greeted the brief speech in which he urged them "to stick to it."

There is no truth in the rumour that one of the recently escaped Huns got away disguised as Mr. RAMSAY MACDONALD.

Some commotion was caused in the Strand last week when a policeman accused a man of whistling for a taxi cab. Later, however, the policeman accepted the gentleman's plea that he was not whistling, but that was his natural face.

From the latest reports from Dover we gather that this year the Channel has decided to swim Great Britain.

As a result of the excessive rain a nigger troupe at Margate were seen to pale visibly.

Fortunately for the Americans there is one man who will stand by them in their hour of trouble. According to a Spanish news message Mr. JACK JOHNSON has decided not to return to America.

Owing to the scarcity of matches we understand that many smokers now adopt the plan of waiting for the fire engine to turn out and then proceed to the conflagration to get a light.

A catfish has been caught at Hastings. It died worth a lady's gold bracelet and a small pocket knife.

The Norwegian explorer, ROALD AMUNDSEN, is preparing for a trip to the North Pole in 1918. Additional interest now attaches to this spot as being the only territory whose neutrality the Germans have omitted to violate.

Russian tea is being sold in London at 12s. 7d. a pound. It is remarkable that, with the country in its present disorganised condition, the Russian merchants can still hold their own without the assistance of a Food Controller.

A room for quick luncheons, not to cost more than 1s. 3d., has been opened in Northumberland Avenue for busy Government officials. It is hoped eventually to provide room to enable a few other people to join the GEDDES family at their mid day meal.

KING CONSTANTINE, says a despatch, has rented an expensive villa overlooking Lake Zurich. Just the thing for an ex pensive monarch.

We are requested to say that the man named Smith, charged at Bow Police Court the other day, is in no way connected with the other Mr. Smiths.

At a vegetable show at Godalming, 5,780 dead butterflies were exhibited by children. It is understood that the pacifists are protesting against this encouragement of the martial spirit among the young.

Considerable annoyance has been caused in Government circles by the announcement that "at last the War Office has been aroused." Officials there, however, deny the accusation.

The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER has received four hundred pounds from an anonymous donor towards the cost of the War. The donor, it appears, omitted to specify which part of the War he would like to pay for.

Germany has at last addressed a reply to the Argentine Republic, pointing out that strict orders have been issued to U boat commanders that ships flying the Argentine flag must always be torpedoed by accident.

Mammoth marrows have been reported from several districts, and it is now rumoured that Sir DOUGLAS HAIG is busy developing a giant squash.

An official report states that there are three hundred and forty three ice cream shops in Wandsworth. Unfortunately this is not the only indication of an early winter.

A potato closely resembling the German CROWN PRINCE has been dug up at Reading. This is very good for a beginning, but our amateur potato growers must produce a HINDENBURG if we are to win the War.

A woman walked into a shop at Cuckfield and settled a bill sent to her twenty four years ago, but it is not stated whether she was really able to obtain any sugar.