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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, May 2, 1891   By:

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 100.

May 2, 1891.

SONGS OF THE UN SENTIMENTALIST.

A DUSTMAN'S SILENT TEAR.

I know not how that Dustman stirred my ire: He may have failed to call when due: but he My breast being charged with economic fire, Was mulcted of his customary fee. I was informed, at first he did not seem To grasp the cruel sense of what he heard, But asked, "Wot's this 'ere game?" as if some dream Of evil portents all his pulses stirred; Then, muttering, he turned, and went his way Dejected, broken! I had stopped his beer! Ah! from that Dustman who, alas! can say I did not wring a sad and silent tear!

I thought the matter o'er. I vowed no more, That I with grief would moisten any eye; Henceforth, whene'er that Dustman passed my door, Upon his beer he knew he could rely! Nay more! For never heeding if my bin Were full or empty, I that Dustman hailed; His grateful smile my one desire to win; I felt I could not help it if I failed. Twice every week he came, his twopence drew: That Dustman seemed to brighten with his beer. And, if he wept, thank Heaven, at least I knew With joy, not grief, he shed his silent tear!

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

[CONTINUED.]

Thursday, April 16 . On looking through my book I find that I am now a member of ten Billsbury Cricket Clubs, to most of which I am a Vice President. Not bad, considering that my average in my last year at school was four, and that I didn't play more than half a dozen times at Oxford. TOLLAND says there are many more Foot ball Clubs than Cricket Clubs a pleasant prospect for me in the Autumn. Have also had to subscribe to six Missions of various kinds, four Easter Monday Fêtes , six Friendly Societies, three Literary and Scientific Institutes, five Temperance Associations, four Quoit Clubs, two Swimming Clubs, seven Sunday Schools, five Church or Chapel Building Funds, three Ornithological Societies, two Christian Young Men's Associations, three Children's Free Dinner Funds, one Angling Association, not to speak of Fire Brigade, Dispensaries, and Brass Bands. Have also given a Prize to be shot for by Volunteers, as CHUBSON gives one every year. What with £80 subscription to the Registration Fund, things are beginning to mount up pretty considerably.

[Illustration]

Have spoken at three meetings since the Mass Meeting. TOLLAND said, "You needn't refer to Sir THOMAS CHUBSON yourself. Leave our people to do that. They enjoy that kind of thing, and know how to do it." They do, indeed. At our last meeting, HOLLEBONE, the Secretary of the Junior Conservative Club, went on at him for twenty minutes in proposing resolution of confidence in me. "Sir THOMAS," he said, "talks of his pledges. The less Sir THOMAS says about them the better. I can't walk out anywhere in Billsbury for two minutes without tripping over the broken fragments of some of Sir THOMAS's pledges. It's getting quite dangerous. Sir THOMAS, they say, made himself. It's a pity he couldn't put in a little consistency when he was engaged on the job. We don't want any purse proud Radical knights to represent us. We want a straightforward man, who says what he means; and you'll agree with me, fellow townsmen, that we've got one in our eloquent and popular young Candidate."

This went down very well. Next day, however, the Meteor "parallel columned" Sir THOMAS CHUBSON's career and mine. Mine occupied six lines; Sir THOMAS's "Life of honourable and self sacrificing industry" ran to nearly a column. "It will be observed," said the Meteor , "that there is a good deal of blank space in Mr. PATTLE's comparative career; but this no doubt recommends him to his Conservative friends, who are quite equal to filling it brilliantly with their imaginative rhetoric about his chances of success."

Primrose Day, the day after to morrow. We're going to have a great demonstration at Billsbury... Continue reading book >>


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