Punch, or The London Charivari, Vol. 150, April 19, 1916   By: Various

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 150.

APRIL 19, 1916.

[Illustration: Overworked and exasperated Colonel (who has told Adjutant to answer the telephone). "WELL, WHAT THE BLAZES DO THEY WANT?"

Adjutant. "IT'S THE C.O. OF THE BLANKSHIRES, SIR; WANTS YOU TO REPEAT THE FUNNY STORY YOU TOLD HIM LAST NIGHT AT MESS."]

CHARIVARIA.

The recent Zeppelin raids have not been without their advantages. In a spirit of emulation an ambitious hen at Acton has laid an egg weighing 5 1/4 oz.

The opponents of Colonel ROOSEVELT regard the advice given in the title of his new book, Fear God and take your own part , to be unusually moderate as coming from one who, whatever he may have said to the contrary, is very generally suspected of being prepared to take the part that is at present being played by President WILSON.

At a meeting of the "No Conscription Fellowship" last week, Mr. PHILIP SNOWDEN referred to the Conscientious Objectors as the "Salt of the Earth." Perhaps, but we don't care to have them rubbed into us.

Germany has addressed a Note to the United States explaining that the Sussex could not possibly have been torpedoed for the reason that the submarine commander who sank the vessel had no difficulty in drawing a picture of her which closely resembled a totally different ship.

It is announced that the care of the great vine at Hampton Court has been taken over by the Office of Works from the Board of Green Cloth. It is rumoured that the latter body, which has been of late somewhat lost sight of, is to be entrusted with the general supervision of our aerial forces.

So successful have been the electrically heated footwarmers supplied to the police of Pittsburg, Pa, that the State Department is said to be contemplating their adoption.

For shouting "The Zepps are coming!" a Grimsby girl has been fined £1. It was urged in defence that the girl suffered from hallucinations, one of which was that she was a daily newspaper proprietor.

While announcing in Parliament last week that the Zoo would have to pay the Amusement Tax the CHANCELLOR promised to "keep an open mind in regard to any representations that might be made on the subject." Mr. MCKENNA, we understand, has since received a strong representation from the hippopotamus, protesting that, while he and his fellow pachyderms are commonly considered as instructive, their natural dignity precludes them from attempting to provide amusement in any form.

"In twenty years' time," says Mr. PEMBERTON BILLING, "the aeroplane will bring about universal peace." This statement will come as a distinct shock to many who imagined that with Mr. BILLING at Westminster it might be expected to achieve this desirable result in about twenty days.

The Gaslight and Coke Co., in the interests of economy, are proposing to abandon the painting of street lamp posts. The chief patrons of these institutions, they say, will be quite satisfied as long as the lamp posts still feel the same to the touch.

A woman doctor has lately advanced the theory that talking leads to long life; but an attested married man of our acquaintance assures us that this is a mistake, and that it merely makes it seem longer.

"BURY MARRIED MEN AND LORD DERBY."

Provincial Paper.

A tempting solution of the Government's problem, but perhaps a little too mediæval for these times.

METHODS OF A GERMAN MISSIONARY.

[See note to Cartoon on opposite page.]

The Sultan soliloquises:

MEHMOUD, the gilt is off your idol's crown; Clear shows the clay beneath the chipped enamel; In sporting phrase, your dibs have been planked down On the wrong camel.

This WILLIAM had a God he called his peer, And yet must needs take on a new religion; Spoke well of ALLAH; in His Shadow's ear Cooed like a pigeon;