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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 159, July 21, 1920   By:

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PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIA.

VOL. 159.

JULY 21, 1920

CHARIVARIA.

To judge by the Spa Conference it looks as if we might be going to have a peace to end peace.

It will soon be necessary for the Government to arrange an old age pension scheme for Peace Conference delegates.

It is difficult to know whom or what to blame for the exceptionally wet weather we have been having, says an evening paper. Pending a denial from Mr. Lloyd George, The Times has its own opinion as to who is at the bottom of it.

Mr. Stanton pointed out in the House of Commons that, unless increased salaries are given to Members, there will be a strike. Fears are entertained, however, that a settlement will be reached.

"The Derry shirt cutters," says a news item, "have decided to continue to strike." The Derry throat cutters, on the other hand, have postponed striking to a more favourable opportunity.

The way to bring down the price of home killed meat, the Ministry of Food announces officially, is for the public not to buy it. You can't have your cheap food and eat it.

Harborough Rocks, one of the few Druid Circles in the kingdom, has been sold. Heading for the Rocks, the famous Druid Circle at Westminster, has also been sold on several occasions by the Chief Wizard.

A gossip writer states that he saw a man carrying two artificial legs while travelling in a Tube train. There is nothing like being prepared for all emergencies while travelling.

"The ex Kaiser," says an American journal, "makes his own clothes to pass the time away." This is better than his old hobby of making wars to pass other people's time away.

"Danger of infection from Treasury notes," says The Weekly Dispatch , "has been exaggerated." Whenever we see a germ on one of our notes we pat it on the back and tell it to lie down.

A West Riding paper states that a postman picked up a pound Treasury note last week. It is said that he intends to have it valued by an expert.

An engineer suggests that all roads might be made of rubber. For pedestrians who are knocked down by motor cars the resilience of this material would be a great boon.

According to The Evening News a bishop was seen the other day passing the House of Commons smoking a briar pipe. We can only suppose that he did not recognise the House of Commons.

"We can find work for everybody and everything," says a Chicago journal. But what about corkscrews?

How strong is the force of habit was illustrated at Liverpool Docks the other day when two Americans, on reaching our shores, immediately fainted, and only recovered when it was explained that spirits were not sold here solely for medical purposes.

"Watches are often affected by electrical storms such as we have experienced of late," states a science journal. Only yesterday we heard of a plumber and his mate who arrived at a job simultaneously.

We sympathise with the unfortunate housewife who cannot obtain a servant because her reference is considered unsatisfactory. It appears she was only six weeks with her last maid.

A pedestrian knocked down by a taxi in Oxford Street last Tuesday managed to regain his feet only to be again bowled over by a motor bus. Luckily, however, noticing a third vehicle standing by to complete the job, the unfortunate fellow had the presence of mind to remain on the ground.

According to a local paper cat skins are worth about 5½ d. each. Of course it must be plainly understood that the accuracy of this estimate is not admitted by the cats themselves.

"Too much room is taken up by motor vehicles when turning corners," declares a weekly journal. This is a most unfair charge against those self respecting motorists who negotiate all corners on the two inside wheels only.

An American named J. Thomas Looney has written a book to prove that Shakspeare was really the Earl of Oxford... Continue reading book >>


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