Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-01-28   By: Various

VOL. 158.

January 28th, 1920.

CHARIVARIA.

Now that petrol is being increased by eightpence a gallon, pedestrians will shortly have to be content to be knocked down by horsed vehicles or hand trucks.

Moleskins, says a news item, are now worth eighteen pence each. It is only fair to add that the moles do not admit the accuracy of these figures.

Three hundred pounds is the price asked by an advertiser in The Times for a motor coat lined with Persian lamb. It is still possible to get a waistcoat lined with English lamb (or even good capon) for a mere fraction of that sum.

Charged with impersonation at a municipal election a defendant told the Carlisle Bench that it was only a frolic. The Bench, entering into the spirit of the thing, told the man to go and have a good frisk in the second division.

"Steamers carrying coal from Dover to Calais," says a news item, "are bringing back champagne." It is characteristic of the period that we should thus exchange the luxuries of life for its necessities.

Charged at Willesden with travelling without a ticket a Walworth girl was stated to have a mania for travelling on the Tube. The Court missionary thought that a position could probably be obtained for her as scrum half at a West End bargain counter.

A correspondent writes to a London paper to say that he heard a lark in full song on Sunday. We can only suppose that the misguided bird did not know it was Sunday.

A medical man refers to the case of a woman who has no sense of time, proportion or numbers. There should be a great chance for her as a telephone operator.

"Owing to its weed choked condition," says The Evening News , "the Thames is going to ruin." Unless something is done at once it is feared that this famous river may have to be abolished.

As the supply of foodstuffs will probably be normal in August next, the Food Ministry will cease to exist, its business being finished. This seems a pretty poor excuse for a Government Department to give for closing down.

"Music is not heard by the ear alone," says M. JACQUES DALCROZE. Experience proves that when the piano is going next door it is heard by the whole of the neighbour at once.

A weekly paper points out that there are at least thirty thousand unemployed persons in this country. This of course is very serious. After all you cannot have strikes unless the people are in work.

It appears that the dog (since destroyed) which was found wandering outside No. 10, Downing Street, had never tasted Prime Minister.

It is reported that when Sir DAVID BURNETT put up Drury Lane Theatre for sale under the hammer the other day one gentleman offered to buy it on condition that the vendor papered the principal room and put a bath in.

A Bolton labourer who picked up twenty five one pound Treasury notes and restored them to the proper owner was rewarded with a shilling. It is only fair to say that the lady also said, "Thank you."

Asked what he would give towards a testimonial fund for a local hero one hardy Scot is reported to have said that he would give three cheers.

We learn on good authority that should a General Election take place during one of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE'S visits to Paris The Daily Mail will undertake to keep him informed regarding the results by means of its Continental edition.

A sad story reaches us from South West London. It appears that a girl of twenty attempted suicide because she realised she was too old to write either a popular novel or a book of poems.

The Guards, it is stated, are to revert to the pre war scarlet tunic and busby. Pre war head pieces, it may be added, are now worn exclusively at the War Office.