Books Should Be Free Loyal Books Free Public Domain Audiobooks & eBook Downloads |
|
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, February 22nd, 1890 By: Various |
---|
![]()
VOL. XCVIII.
FEBRUARY 22, 1890.
[Illustration: THE SCIENTIFIC VOLUNTEER.] "If ever I have to choose.... I shall, without hesitation,
shoulder my rifle with the Orangeman." See Professor Tyndall's
Reply to Sir W. V. Harcourt. " Times ," Feb. 13, 1890. 'ARRY ON EQUALITY. DEAR CHARLIE, Bin down as a dab with that dashed heppydemick, dear boy.
I 'ave bloomin' nigh sneezed my poor head orf. You know that there specie
of toy
Wot they call cup and ball! That's me , CHARLIE! My back seemed to open
and shut,
As the grippe demon danced on my innards, and played pitch and toss
with my nut. Hinfluenza be blowed! It licks hague and cholera rolled into one.
The Sawbones have give it that name, I'm aware, but of course that's
their fun.
I've 'ad colds in the head by the hunderd, but this weren't no cold,
leastways mine .
Howsomever, I'm jest coming round a bit, thanks to warm slops and QyNine. Took to reading, I did as I mended; that's mostly a practice with me.
When I'm down on my back that's the time for a turn at my dear old
D. T.
A party named ROBERT BUCHANAN, as always appears on the job,
Was a slating a chappie called HUXLEY. Thinks I, I'll take stock of
friend BOB. Well, he ain't much account, that's a moral; a ramblinger Rad never
wos.
Old HUXLEY's wuth ten on him, CHARLIE, though he's rather huppish and
poz.
Are men really born free and equal? Ah! that's wot they're harguing hout.
BOB B., he says "Yus;" HUXLEY, "No;" and BOB'S wrong, there's no manner
of doubt. "Free and equal?" Oh, NEBUCHADNEZZAR! how can they talk sech tommy rot?
Might as well say as Fiz and Four Arf should be equally fourpence a pot.
Nice hidea, but taint so , that's the wust on it. There's where these
dreamers go wrong.
Ought's nothink, and that as is, is ; all the rest isn't wuth a old
Song. Bad as BUGGINS, the Radical Cobbler, these mugs are. Sez BUGGINS, sez he,
Wos it Nature give Mudford his millions, and three bob a day to poor me?
Not a bit on it. Nature's a mother, and meant all her gifts for us all.
It's a Law as gives Mudford his Castle, and leaves me a poor Cobbler's
Stall. All I've got to say, CHARLIE, is this. If so be Nature meant all that
there,
She must be a fair "J." as a mater. I've bin bested out of my share.
So has BUGGINS, and nine out o' ten on us. If the few nobble the quids
Spite of Nature, wy Nature's a noodle as cannot purtect her own kids. Poor BUGGINS! He's nuts upon HENERY GEORGE, WILLIAM MORRIS, and such.
He's got a white face, and is humpy, and lives in a sort of a hutch
Smellin' strong of wax end and stale dubbin. Him born free and equal?
Great Scott!
'Bout as free as a trained flea in harness, or sueties piled in a pot. Nature's nothink, dear boy, simply nothink, and natural right don't
exist,
Unless it means natural flyness, or natural power of fist.
It's brains and big biceps, wot wins. Is men equal in muscle and pith?
Arsk BISMARCK and DERBY, dear boy, or arsk JACKSON the Black and JEM
SMITH. There'd be precious few larks if they wos, CHARLIE where'd be the chance
of a spree
If every pious old pump or young mug was the equal of Me?
It's the up and down bizness of life, mate, as makes it such fun for the
ups.
Equal? Yus, as old BARNUM and BUGGINS, or tigers and tarrier pups. He's a long winded lot, is BUCHANAN, slops over tremenjous, he do;
Kinder poet, dear boy, I believe, and they always do flop round a few,
Make a rare lot o' splash and no progress, like ducks in a tub, dontcher
know,
But cackle and splutter ain't swimming; so ROBERT, my nabs, it's no go. Men ain't equal a mite, that's a moral, and patter won't level 'em up... Continue reading book >>
|
Book sections | ||
---|---|---|
Genres for this book |
---|
Essay/Short nonfiction |
Non-fiction |
eBook links |
---|
Wikipedia – Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, February 22nd, 1890 |
eBook Downloads | |
---|---|
ePUB eBook • iBooks for iPhone and iPad • Nook • Sony Reader |
Kindle eBook • Mobi file format for Kindle |
Read eBook • Load eBook in browser |
Text File eBook • Computers • Windows • Mac |
Review this book |
---|