Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, February 18, 1914   By: Various

VOL. 146.

February 18, 1914

CHARIVARIA.

"I come," said Mr. LLOYD GEORGE last week, "from a farming stock right down from the Flood. The first thing a farmer wants is to be secure." It was of course during the Flood that the insecurity of land tenure was most noticeable.

Lord CARRICK, who a few months ago was appearing in a sketch at the Coliseum, seconded the Address in the House of Lords. We are glad to note the growth of ties between Parliament and the Stage, and we are not without hope that before long a further link will be added in the person of SIR GEORGE ALEXANDER.

A new form of flying boat is being built in America, in which it is hoped that somebody may fly from Newfoundland to Ireland in fifteen hours. In the event of Home Rule, we trust, for the sake of the intrepid aviator, that a still fleeter flying boat will be designed for the return journey.

A resident of Waltham Abbey has just received a letter with a Waltham Cross post mark on the back of the envelope dated February, 31, 1914. We understand that the recipient proposes to return the letter to the Post Office marked "Date unknown."

With reference to the Old Time Supper which is to be a feature of the Chelsea Arts Club Ball we are requested to state that it must not be taken that all the food offered for consumption on that occasion will bear the stamp of antiquity.

An enterprising publisher has, it is rumoured, persuaded no less a personage than Mr. LLOYD GEORGE to write some books for him, and we are promised at an early date, "Essays on Lamb (shorn)," "The Fortunes of Montrose," and other works of creative fancy.

"I was shaved yesterday by a highly intelligent young Pole," says a writer in The Express . The Barber's Pole is of course a very old institution.

"Old Masters VELASQUEZ and so on what are they?" said Mr. Justice EVE last week during a case dealing with pictures. "I should turn them into cash if they were mine." Seeing how often the old fellows painted EVE'S portrait, this dictum of his Lordship strikes one as ungracious.

Messrs. BRYANT AND MAY have issued a brochure describing how little houses may be made out of matches. A companion volume, entitled "How to light them," by a Suffragette, may be expected shortly.

It is sometimes asked, Why do so few individuals when sentenced to death for murder take advantage of their right to appeal? The answer is, Because the Court of Criminal Appeal has the power of increasing a sentence.

"Samuel, in the spirit of a notorious member of his race, one Pontius Pilate, disavows all responsibility in the matter of the shooting of Englishmen in the Transvaal."

New Witness.

Mr. Punch (to Mr. SAMUEL) Ave! Civis Romane!

[Illustration: Butler ( to new servant from the country ). "When you've quite finished cleaning next door's steps perhaps you would kindly begin on our own."]

"BRIC A BRAC. 'My Somali Book' is a work by Captain Mosse, who spent a considerable time in the country, which Sampson Low is about to publish." Daily Chronicle.

Modesty is all very well in its place, but to publish an area of over 400,000 square miles and then call the feat "Bric à Brac" well!

"The full penalty of £20 and costs was imposed at Croydon Borough Police court upon Ernest Montefiore de Wilton, of St. James's street, W., for exceeding the ten mile limit at Southend on Jan. 25.

Burroughes & Watts' Billiard Tables for Speed." Daily Telegraph.

Mr. DE WILTON, reading the advertisement: "No, thanks. A really slow table for me."

THE STRIKE OF SCHOOL TEACHERS.

Sir, Is the nation properly alive to the seriousness of the educational impasse in Herefordshire? Personally I view with alarm the state of things of which that is a symptom.