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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, December 5, 1891 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 101. December 5, 1891.
QUITE FABULOUS! ( A STORY OF THE TIMES, DEDICATED TO PROFESSOR MUNRO. ) KING COLE, although described as a "merry old soul," was in reality
a tyrant. He had a number of subjects who used to work underground,
and their labour was to bring to the surface the black diamonds of
the earth. It was not altogether a pleasant occupation, but still,
the task had to be accomplished. His Majesty was fond of ferocious
practical jokes, and perchance this may have been the origin of
the jocular description attached to his name. One day, some of his
subjects complained that their hours of labour were too many. "How long do you work?" asked the King. "May it please you, Sire, sixteen," was the reply. "Try what you can do with twelve," and they were about to depart
rejoicing, when the Monarch called them back and added, "But mind you,
I shall expect just as many black diamonds to be unearthed as before." So the King's subjects worked only twelve hours, and strange to say,
quite as many black diamonds were produced as in the olden days. Then
the workmen began to grumble once more, and the King again interviewed
them. "Do you still work twelve hours?" he asked the deputation. "Certainly, Your Majesty; but we think half would be quite enough,"
returned the spokesman. "By all means why not make it three hours?" and again his subjects
were departing, rejoicing, when once more he added, "But I shall
expect just the same output as before." And he got it, for the men worked harder than ever. And then they
came yet again to him. Once more they considered the hours of labour
excessive. They thought sixty minutes plenty. "So do I," replied the Monarch, "not only plenty, but too many. But
as it is scarcely worth while employing you only half an hour a day,
I shall make other arrangements." And from that time forth he brought up his black diamonds from the
centre of the earth by machinery! NOT "HALF A CHAP." A well known Clergyman, who "does nothing by
halves." i.e., Dean HOLE. [Illustration: "WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST." NO. 4. WHEN HE JUST BEGINS TO REALISE WHAT A SUFFERING HE WOULD HAVE SAVED
HIMSELF, IF HE HAD ONLY HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY " MEDIUM " INSTEAD OF
"HARD."] OUR BOOKING OFFICE. [Illustration: The Baron's Retainers, Mesdames Blythe and Gay, giving
him the results of their readings.] In the Christmas Numbers of the numerous picture papers it is at first
rather difficult to discover which is the genuine article illustrated,
and which the advertisement, likewise illustrated. In the outside
picture of the Christmas Number of The Penny Illustrated Paper ,
which represents a couple dancing together, I am not yet quite sure
that the handsome Hebraic gentleman, dancing with a fair Anglo Saxon
girl, is not assuring his frightened looking partner that "Epps's
Cocoa is Grateful Comforting," as stated in the paragraph immediately
beneath the aforesaid picture. On the next page is a sad illustration
entitled, "The Curse of Revenge. Lost to Human Aid." which turns out
to be not a Christmas story at all, but an advertisement for Fruit
Salt. Then opposite this commences a story by GEORGE R. SIMS; and at
the foot of this page some one replies, "Mr. DOOLAN! There's no one
of that name here now, Sir." Whereupon, being interested, the reader
turns over page 1 to find at the head of page 2, not the continuation
of the above interesting story in the shape of some remark on the part
of the inquirer, nor any account of what happened after this reply
had been given, but simply "Benson's Watches" followed by "Fry's
Chocolate," then a picture (not an advertisement) facing that, and
then on page 4 the remainder of the dialogue. It doesn't much matter
perhaps, as the excitement aroused by the story is not violent, and
the mistake of giving somebody else's card for your own does not occur
here for the first time as the motive of a plot... Continue reading book >>
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Essay/Short nonfiction |
Non-fiction |
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