Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 21, 1891   By: Various

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 100.

March 21, 1891.

MY LADY.

She is not fair to outward view As many maidens be; (And into such a rage she flew On learning this from me;) And yet she's lovely, nay divine, Judged by her own peculiar line.

She's deeply read. She knows as much As average sixth form boys; But not the greatest sage could touch The high, aggressive joys That imp her wing, like bird of prey, When in my dates I go astray.

Not only learning's pure serene Her soaring mind can charm; The tradesman, shrinking from a scene, Regards her with alarm, And many a 'bus conductor owns The pow'r of her metallic tones.

Contentiously content, she takes Her strident way through life, And goodness only knows what makes Her choose to be my wife. Courage, poor heart! Thy yearnings stifle. She's not a girl with whom to trifle.

KENSINGTON CORRESPONDENCE.

I.

[Illustration]

Instead of the Sub Kensington Gardens Railway scheme as proposed, why not a Sub Serpentine Line? Start it from the South Kensington Station, District cum Metropolitan system, run it with one station well underground in the middle of Exhibition Road, whence an easy ascent to the Imperial Exhibition, when passengers would come up to "carp the vital airs," then right away again, branching off left and right, thus bringing the mild Southerners into rapid, easy communication, at all reasonable hours, and at reasonable prices, with the rugged denizens of the Northern districts, East and West. If Kensington Gardens are to be touched at all and, not being sacred groves, there is no reason why they should not be, faute de mieux a transverse tunnelling from Kensington High Street to Queen's Road would do the trick. We will be happy to render any assistance in our power, and are, Yours truly,

WILL HONEYCOMB, MOLE, FERRET & CO.,

( Burrow Knights .)

II.

O sir, Pleese don't let us ave no nasty railwaies and tunels in Kinsinton Gardins, were we now are so skludid, and the childern can play about, an no danger from nothink sep dogs, wich is mosley musseled, or led with a string, an we ain't trubbled about them, an can ave a word to say to a frend, or a cuzzin, you unnerstan, unner the treeses, so nice an quite, wich it wold not be wen disterbd by ingins, an smoke, skreeges, an steem wizzels. O, Mr. P. , don't let um do it.

Yours obeegentlee, SARA JANE, ( Unner Nursrymade .)

III.

Sir, The Railway underneath Kensington Gardens won't be noticed if only taken down deep enough below the surface. No blow holes, of course. No disfigurement. Take it under the centre path, where there are no trees , then turn to the left outside the gate and burrow away to S. Kensington Station. I can then get across the park in three minutes for a penny; and now I have to walk, for which I haven't the time, or take a cab, for which I haven't the money.

Yours, A PRACTICAL PAUPER.

IV.

Sir, I take this opportunity of pointing out that if anything at all is to be done with Kensington Gardens, why not make a real good Rotten Row there? That would he a blessing and a convenience. We're all so sick and tired of that squirrel in a cage ride, round and round Hyde Park, and that half and half affair in St. James's Park. No, Sir; now's the time, and now's the hour. There's plenty of space for all equestrian wants, without interfering with the sylvan delights of nurserymaids, children, lovers of nature, and all sorts of lovers too. For my part, if this is not put forward as an alternative scheme, I shall vote for tunnelling under the Gardens out of simple cussedness. If the reply, authoritatively given, be that the two schemes can go and must go together, then I will vote for both, only let's have the equestrian arrangement first.

Yours, JOLTIN TROTT,

Mount, Street, W, Captain 1st Lights and Liver Brigade .