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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol 150, February 9, 1916   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOL. 150

FEBRUARY 9, 1916

[Illustration: Tommy. "'Ere, Ted, what's the matter?" Ted ( ex plumber ). "Wy, I'm goin' back for me baynet, o' course."]

CHARIVARIA.

The German claim that as the result of the Zeppelin raid "England's industry to a considerable extent is in ruins" is probably based on the fact that three breweries were bombed. To the Teuton mind such a catastrophe might well seem overwhelming.

A possible explanation of the Government's action in closing the Museums is furnished by the Cologne Gazette , which observes that "if one wanted to find droves of Germans in London one had only to go to the museums." But if the Government is closing them merely for purposes of disinfection it might let us know.

Irritated by the pro German conversation of one of the guests at an American dinner party the English butler poured the gravy over him. The story is believed to have greatly annoyed the starving millionaires in Berlin. They complain that their exiled fellow countrymen get all the luck.

Is the Office of Works feeding Germany? We have lately learned that no bulbs are to be planted in the London parks this season; and almost simultaneously we read in the Frankfurter Zeitung a suggestion that, as bulbs are so cheap owing to the falling off in the English demand, they should be used as food by the German housewife. What has Mr. Harcourt to say about this?

Mr. Ted Heaton, a noted Liverpool swimmer, is acting as sergeant instructor to the Royal Fusiliers at Dover, and is expected to have them in a short time quite ready for the trenches.

A London magistrate has ruled that poker is a game of chance. He was evidently unacquainted with the leading case in America, where, on the same point arising, the judge, the counsel and the parties adjourned for a quiet game, and the defendant triumphantly demonstrated that it was a game of skill.

In an article describing the wonders of modern French surgery Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt mentioned that she had watched an operation in which a part of a man's rib was taken out and used as a jawbone. "Pooh!" said the much married general practitioner who read it, "that's as old as Adam."

A man who applied recently to be enlisted in the Royal Flying Corps as a carpenter was medically rejected because he had a hammer toe. If he had lost a nail we could have understood it.

The following letter has been received by the matron of an Indian hospital:

"Dear and fair Madam, I have much pleasure to inform you that my dearly unfortunate wife will be no longer under your care, she having left this world for the next on the 27th ult. For your help in this matter I shall ever remain grateful. Yours reverently, ."

A correspondent, anxious about etiquette, writes: "Sir, The other day I offered my seat to the lady conductor of a tramcar. Did I right? Yours truly, Noblesse Oblige."

It is stated that one of the principal items of discussion during the new Session of the Prussian Diet will be a Supplementary War Bill. Some of the members are expected to protest, on the ground that the present War is quite sufficient, thank you.

INTELLECTUAL RETRENCHMENT.

[The annual expenses that will be saved by the closing of the London Museums and Galleries amount to about one fifth of the public money spent on the salaries of Members of Parliament.]

Fetch out your padlocks, bolt and bar the portals, That none may worship at the Muses' shrine; Seal up the gifts bequeathed by our Immortals To be the birthright of their ancient line; At luxury if you would strike a blow, Let Art and Science be the first to go.

Close down the fanes that guard the golden treasure Wrung by our hands from Nature's hidden wealth; Treat them as idle haunts of wanton pleasure, Extremely noxious to the nation's health; Show that our statesmanship at least has won A vandal victory o'er the vandal Hun... Continue reading book >>


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