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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, August 12th 1893   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

VOLUME 105, August 12th 1893

edited by Sir Francis Burnand

THE CLOSURE AT HOME.

Paterfamilias entered the drawing room at ten minutes to six o'clock, and found the family still undecided. There was a pause in the conversation when he made his appearance.

"Where are we to go?" he asked, taking out his watch. "You have been quarrelling for the last week, and I have given you till this hour. So get through your amendments as fast as you can."

"I prefer Paris," said Materfamilias, "and I am supported by all the girls. We are decidedly in a majority."

"Paris is simply awful at the end of July!" cried the eldest son. "Give you my word, mother, the place is impossible."

"Venice would certainly be better," said his younger brother. "Charming place, and you get a very decent table d'hôte at DANIELI'S."

"Oh, Venice is too dreadful just now!" exclaimed Aunt MATILDA. "If we are to go with you, we certainly can't travel there. Besides, there's the cholera all over the Continent. Now Oban would be nice."

"Are you speaking seriously?" asked Cousin JANE. "Scotland never agrees with me, but Cairo would be perfect."

"Do you think so, my dear girl?" put in Uncle JOHN. "I fancy you are making a mistake. Egypt is very well in the winter, but it is fearfully hot in August. Now they tell me Killarney is simply delightful at this season."

"Ireland! No, thank you!" exclaimed REGINALD. "We have had enough of Home Rule on this side of the Channel to go across to find it on the other. No; give me Spain, or even Russia."

The hands of the clock were close upon the hour, but still there was a minute or so to spare.

"Russia indeed!" snapped out PRISCILLA. "Who ever would go to Russia? But people do tell me that Chicago is well worth seeing, and "

At this moment the clock struck six.

"Time's up," cried Paterfamilias. "We will all go to Herne Bay."

And they did.

[Illustration: THE TEST OF TRUE GENIUS.

Pictor Ignotus Number One. "YES; I RATHER FLATTER MYSELF THERE ARE PRECIOUS FEW OF MY CONTEMPORARIES WHO CARE ABOUT MY WORK!"

Pictor Ignotus Number Two ( not to be beaten ). "BY JOVE! I RATHER FLATTER MYSELF I'VE GOT THE PULL OF YOU THERE , OLD MAN! WHY, THERE'S NOBODY CARES ABOUT MINE !"]

The New Atomic Theory.

( According to the New Journalism ).

Mankind are debtors to two mighty creditors, Omniscient Science, and infallible Editors. Nature is summed in principles and particles; The moral world in Laws and Leading Articles!

CRICKET ACROSS THE CHANNEL.

[Illustration]

We believe that our lively neighbours, the French, having seen that there is a chance of some alteration being made in the rules of cricket in England, have determined to suggest some changes on their own account. We give the first list of proposals:

1. The ball in future is to be made of india rubber.

2. Armour to be allowed to the striker, so as to prevent accidents from the ball.

3. The umpires to be henceforth experienced surgeons, so that their medical services may be available for the wounded.

4. Camp stools to be permitted to the long stop, and other hard worked members of the field.

5. Fielders expected to run after a rapidly driven ball, to be allowed to follow the object on bicycles.

6. The wicket keeper to have a small portable fortress in front of him to keep him out of danger.

7. The bats to be made of the same materials as those used in lawn tennis.

8. The game to commence with the "luncheon interval," to be employed in discussing a déjeuner à la fourchette .

9. The uniform of the cricketer in future to consist of a horn, a hunting knife, jockey cap and fishing boots, in fact the costume of the earliest French exponent of the game.

10. The outside to have the right to declare the game closed when fatigued.

11. A band of music to be engaged to play a popular programme... Continue reading book >>


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