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Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 26, 1892   By:

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 102.

March 26, 1892.

YE MODERATES OF LONDON!

[Illustration: The Stay at Home Voter.]

Ye Moderates of London Who sat at home at ease, Ah! little did you think upon The dangerous C.C.'s! While comfort did surround you, You did not care to go To remote Spots to vote When the stormy winds did blow.

The voter should have courage No danger he should shun; In every kind of weather All sorts of risks should run. Not he! So bold Progressives Will tax him, and he'll know He must pay In their way, Which is neither sure nor slow.

But when the Thames Embankment, The finest road in town, Is riotous with tramcars, Will that make rates come down? Will all these free arrangements, Free water, gas, do so? Oh, they may! Who can say? And the Companies may go.

When LIDGETT and McDOUGALL Are censors of the play, We can patronise the Drama In a strictly proper way; When PARKINSON's Inspector Of Ballets, we shall know He will stop Any hop If he sees a dancer's toe.

Such grandmaternal rulers Will settle life for us, And Moderates, escaping All canvassing and fuss, Can still, from cosy firesides, Through three long years or so, Watch whereat Jumps the cat, And which way the wind does blow.

LOCKWOOD THE LECTURER.

["Last Tuesday Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P., delivered a lecture entitled 'The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick,' to a large gathering of the citizens of York, which place he represents in Parliament." Daily Telegraph .]

AIR " Simon the Cellarer. "

Oh, LOCKWOOD the Lecturer hath a rare store Of jo vi a li tee Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories galore, For a cheery Q.C. is he! A cheery Q.C. and M.P. With pen and with pencil he never doth fail, And every day he hath got a fresh tale. "A Big vig on Pig vig," he quaintly did say, When giving his lecture at York t'other day. For Ho! ho! ho! FRANK LOCKWOOD can show How well he his DICKENS Doth know, know, know! Chorus. For Ho! ho! ho! &c.

HOSPITALITY À LA MODE.

["Programmes and introductions are going out of fashion at balls." Weekly Paper .]

SCENE Interior of a Drawing room during a dance. Sprightly Damsel disengaged looking out for a partner. She addresses cheerful looking Middle aged Gentleman, who is standing near her.

She. I am not quite sure whether I gave you this waltz?

He. Nor I. But I hope you did. I am afraid it is nearly over, but we shall still have time for a turn. [ They join the dancers.

She. Too many people here to night to make waltzing pleasant.

He. Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we sit out?

She ( thankfully, as he has not quite her step. ) If you like. And see, the band is bringing things to a conclusion. Don't you hate a cornet in so small a room as this? So dreadfully loud, you know.

He. Quite. Yes, I think it would have been better to have kept to the piano and the strings.

She. But the place is prettily decorated. It must have cost them a lot, getting all these flowers.

He. I daresay. No doubt they managed it by contract. And lots of things come from Algeria nowadays. You can get early vegetables in winter for next to nothing.

She. Yes, isn't it lovely? All these palms, I suppose, came from the Stores.

He. No doubt. By the way, do you know the people of the house at all?

She. Not much. Fact was, I was brought. Couldn't find either the host or hostess. Such a crowd on the staircase, you know.

He. Yes. Rather silly asking double the number of people the rooms will hold, isn't it?

She. Awfully. However, I suppose it pleases some folks. I presume they consider it the swagger thing to do?

He... Continue reading book >>


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